Defying Expectations to Unleash Feminine Magic with Tara Marino

Welcome to Let It Be Easy with Susie Moore.

Susie Moore:

As you'll hear from this discussion with Tara Marino. I came across her years ago in one of my favorite books, which is called Launch. I've been following her, admiring her work ever since, and it was so thrilling to invite Tara onto the Let It Be Easy podcast to see what's new with her, to see what she's been working on, and to see her own evolution as a leader for women, as someone who is so led by her heart, who's so passionate about helping women be fully themselves. Officially Tara's the founder and CEO of Elegant Femme. She's a French clothing designer and a mentor for women returning to the truth of their souls. Don't you just love that? But before she created the femme types or ran a multimillion dollar business, she was a young woman who was suffering. She needed to be healed, she needed to learn how to heal herself, and so much of that we cover in our discussion today. She lost her newborn son turned inward, uncovered the beauty and abundance around her, and set herself back on her path to wholeness. It was really that journey that revealed her purpose to her, which she defines as supporting women as they awaken the truth of their feminine souls. Oh my. I think you're going to love this conversation with Tara. I think she's a miraculous woman. I love spending time with deep souls who've experienced life, the full spectrum of emotions, and this is a gorgeous and intimate conversation. I hope you enjoy Tara Marino. Welcome to the Let it be easy podcast.

Tara Marino:

Thank you so much. This has been a long time coming. I mean, I would say, and I think you would agree with this, it's probably been lifetimes, but certainly in our human awareness, it's been since in the summer

Susie Moore:

For me, it's been longer than that. Do you know how I found out about you?

Tara Marino:

Tell me. Tell me me.

Susie Moore:

Do you have any idea what I might say?  Well, you might.

Tara Marino:

Jules did Julie?  No. Oh, okay, then. I have no idea. Oh my God. Okay, tell me me now. I'm excited.

Susie Moore:

It was the Jeff Walker book, the Jeff Walker book that I read. 10 years Wait more? No, 10 plus years ago.

Tara Marino:

Stop it.

Susie Moore:

You know that, right? That you're in that book and he speaks about you may having this big launch from scratch almost, and then moving to France, and that's why I remember, I love France so much and la, la, la, and I started following you, and then you know how life is here, there, and then. Yeah. Then through Jules too. I saw your part of one of her groups.

Tara Marino:

I cannot believe that when you do something and you really, because also I look back and I'm so grateful for this. I was so naive. I knew nothing about internet marketing, and God connected me with Jeff in such a beautiful way, and I have no idea not only the impact of what I would learn from him, but quite a lot of people will say to me, oh, I read Jeff's book and I saw you in there. And even I spoke so freely about sensuality in there and in that group, it's all men. So it was quite a little page turner, I think.

Susie Moore:

Well, it's so interesting the work that you do, I think, because it's almost hard to define. If you were to put it just in six or seven words, I'm a dentist, so how do you define what it is that you do, Tara?

Tara Marino:

My goodness, that's such a good question. I feel like my mind would have a tendency to overcomplicate this answer, to have it feel really cool and special and make me sound really important. But the truth of what I do really is I support women in falling in love with themselves again.

Susie Moore:

Why do you say again? Why do you say again?

Tara Marino:

Because I think we forget. I think the truth is we haven't fallen out of love with ourselves, but we have bought into the illusion that we have to perform and show up in a certain way in order to embody and receive that love. And so supporting women and remembering that that's not necessary, and once they feel that recognition of that wholeness, when they reclaim that power that is innately there when they let go and surrender to their femininity, to their receiving and to their potency, then we get to starve the conversation. Then it's like, okay, now what desires are you going to play with in this lifetime? What experiences are you going to fall into? But I think that's the simplest way I can put it.

Susie Moore:

I mean, I really like that simple description, and I think that most people, well, this morning I was just online looking at my friend's stories and her daughter, I don't think she's even two, was just in the mirror kissing it. She was so into herself, and I was like, yes. That's actually what came to mind when you said again. I'm like, oh, we're born knowing this. We're so into ourselves in the best way. We

Tara Marino:

Really are. I can remember, I was on a podcast yesterday and someone was asking me about beauty and my affiliation with beauty. I talk a lot about letting go of the shame around beauty, and I had a memory come up of being, I think I must've been like three or four, and I was at a Christmas party and my mom had me in this little red velvet dress and tights with little ruffles on the back of the tights, and I was running around the party showing everybody the ruffles could care less about the dress, look at the ruffles, look at the ruffles. I was so proud of myself and the reflection that I perceived in that moment with put your dressed out. This is completely appropriate. What are you doing? Even at a very young age when I was like, I'm celebrating these ruffles. So I agree with you. We are born knowing. We're born knowing,

Susie Moore:

And you speak Tara specifically about fem types. I remember finding out this about you years ago when I first started looking you up, and you are like, there's the Frenchie, there's the indie. I'm not sure if that's evolved or changed, but I remember it. Could you talk to us about those? Because I feel like, whoa, I think everyone's so overworked, burnt out, just trying to keep up with getting through the week, not trying not to gain weight, trying not to age, trying to keep everyone happy, don't upset your mother. I mean, all the things. Tell me how, what the phone types are, how they came to be. I just want to hand it to you because I know you've got a lot to say.

Tara Marino:

I love it. I also want to reflect as we go there, all the things that you listed off were so true, and if we recognize they all were, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this. It was all based in that negative of hold yourself back. Like don't. Right? So that's a beautiful thing for us all to recognize. So the femme types, first of all, I'm super impressed that you remember the Indie and the Frenchie.

Susie Moore:

I sure do.

Tara Marino:

And then we have the New Yorker, and yes, they've evolved, but they haven't changed. They've evolved because I understand more and more of what they truly are and what they represent. So the femme type started. So I think this part of my story, and it's always I think an interesting thing for all of us to recount our stories because it's not about staying stuck in a story or overly identifying with it, but I also feel like it's not about sweeping it under the rug and pretending it's not a part of the process. So I do want to share with your audience with the intention that no matter where anybody is, we all have these extraordinarily intense defining moments in our lives. Every single one of us, and I think we forget that as well. We look at other women, we're like, oh, fuck, is it? Can I curse or

Susie Moore:

What? Absolutely be you, be you, Tara. Go for it.

Tara Marino:

Yes, my podcast manager's like, oh, we got to mark this one explicit again

Susie Moore:

It's all welcome.

Tara Marino:

But I want to utilize it intentionally, not just as a flipping thing, because we do get to that point where it's like, what am I going to choose from here? And we look at other women and we're like, oh, she doesn't get it. She must have gotten some sort of fricking easy or shortcut than me, and dang it, I missed it. I missed the one in line that passed me. So with that, I was 25 years old, and oh my God, I found out I was pregnant, and I was like, thank you, Lord. I found my purpose. I was one of those little girls that from the time I can remember, I was asking, God, why am I here? What am I supposed to do? Young, young, young? I just want to find out what my purpose is. Now, I used to make my brothers and sisters little albums with pictures that I found cut out and glued, and I would tell them how much I love them. It was just who I was from a very end. So when I found out I was a mom, I was like, oh, relief. I don't have to ask that question anymore. I'm going to be a mom. It's so good. As fate would have it, I delivered my baby boy the day before my 26th birthday, and he was like, you need this false, healthy, gorgeous. He had big full lips. His dad's like, I can still smell him. Literally, I can still smell him. And a week later, he passed away in my arms from the moment.

And this was such a catalyzing moment for me because I hated everybody. I hated life. I hated my body. I hated God. Forget about it if you were pregnant, don't even consider getting within a hundred feet of me. I just went into a very, very dark space, bottles of wine, Xanax, Ambien, whatever I could do. And it was about a year later when I was sitting on the floor surrounded by some royal paperwork, there was an opportunity for a lawsuit. I was screaming This why me and my ego was coming up with all sorts of reasons why I should be punished. I had an abortion when I was 17.

All sorts of reasons why you deserve this, you deserve this. And I heard this fake whisper say, stop asking why and start asking how. Now, that might not seem very revolutionary as we hear it today, but this was 22 years ago. I didn't know who Carl Young was. I was 26. I couldn't care an F about anybody. That wasn't my world at that point. So this was really different for me. And that first taste of how are you going to respond to this? I felt a little bit of power. I felt like, hold on on a second, really. And what I could grasp at that moment was what kind of mother would these things have wanted you to be? That's all I could grasp. I started journaling with hype, what are now known as the femme types, but I started journaling with little aspects and saying, oh, who am I today?

And I named this aspect, the indie. I started sketching, actually, I don't know if you know this, lingerie, like little pieces of lingerie. And I started to put together lingerie. And when I was wearing this soft, cozy, cashmere lingerie, I would say I'm in my indie. When I started taking showers again, because this was a huge deal for me, I had a whole freezer full of breast milk. I didn't want to look down at my body. It was too painful to even get in the shower. So when I started getting in the shower and playing with this aspect of my body image, my beauty, I called this aspect the Frenchie, and you know how obsessed both of us are with the French, so everything French. So that gave me life. I could feel like, okay, okay, I feel a little brighter. And as that developed, I started journaling with an aspect that I named the New Yorker, and this was where I felt my power. This is where I actually started to create little mini business plans. I started considering selling my lingerie. And the very first thing I created, I don't know if I've ever even shared this on a podcast, I created something called the Pretty Panty Line, which was a hand drying system for it's patented. We haven't done anything wicked because at that point I was like, this is really expensive to create this stuff.

But that's how it all began. So every day I would say, okay, I need my indie, I need my Frenchie, and I need my New Yorker. And I started witnessing myself that on the days when I avoided, resisted, ignored, I felt different. And over time, just very, very simply, day by day, I started to hear, and other women who had lost children started asking me what I was doing. And I would just share really simply, oh, kind of offhandedly. I had my indie, my friend team, new Yorker. So I started coaching them just so organically, and then other women who hadn't lost children, but were experiencing the sense of loss inside. They forgot who they were, a loss of a desire, a loss of a dream, a loss of identity. And that's how it all began. So now almost over 16 years later, thousands and thousands of women.

Susie Moore:

Wow.

Tara Marino:

Right.

Susie Moore:

It's incredible.

Tara Marino:

Even when I say it,

Susie Moore:

When I discovered your work, like I said a long, long time ago, I was like, wow, yes, we do lose these parts of ourselves. I mean, tell me what you think about this, Tara. Someone said to me once that the reason that the, remember that 50 Shades book and movie series, they said the reason that's so popular is women actually do want to feel like women. And I was like, what? Wait. The reason this is so popular is we are so dominant and we make the money and we tell everyone to do it, and we were in charge. And I was like, huh. And that just came to mind as you were speaking about play and pleasure. Over to you, Tara.

Tara Marino:

It's just so fascinating to me that you just said that because somebody pretty well known within our industry says to me consistently, Tara, you teach women how to be women again.

Susie Moore:

Interesting. So what have we lost? So when we balance, so does every woman have all three of these?

Tara Marino:

Yes. So this is important. Every woman has all three. Now there is like we have a power femme. That's our natural essence. But that's next part of conversation because the important part is yes, we have all three, and it's not about perfect balance. The last thing we need is trying to fit ourselves into some sort of perfection around it. However, the majority of us operate inside of one femme type most of the time because it feels safe, because we've been taught that it's valuable because we've been taught that that's where we get our accolades. And because we're afraid of actually activating the other two, and usually one of the other two is our natural essence. So the majority of women are running like crazy in not the real New Yorker, but the faux New Yorker attached to that doing, doing. The more I have on my plate, the busier I am, the more important I am. That little jolt of adrenaline that we get and we're like, Hey, look at me. This is how much money I make and look how cool I am. And now I feel safe. I feel tiny bit superior. Or we swing into the inferiority. Right?

Susie Moore:

So it's all there yet it's so simple to you. Right?

Tara Marino:

Well, I want to clarify the overriding, when I say to a woman like, oh, indie Frenchy, new Yorker, and I explain. The indie is that aspect of you that connects you with your baby, your awareness of your self-worth your awareness of following your intuition, increasing your capacity to receive, no matter what's going on outside. When I say the Frenchie is your connection with beauty, with your body image, with your capacity to increase pleasure in your life. And then the New Yorker is the power, the prosperity, but the allowing of that, not the forcing, not the making, not even the doing. It's the allowing of it. She used to be the doing, and that's where I've evolved. I'm like, actually, it's not even doing. It's allowing. There's so much grace in the real New Yorker. So when I say it's simple, when I explain that to her, she's like, oh, I get it. I can see myself in that. But certainly there are, there's some depth in the integration of it.

Susie Moore:

Yes. You speak a lot about ease and flow, which I love. And look, I'm right there with you. I know, yes. I'm picking up what you're putting down. But a question that I get a lot, and I'd love to get your opinion is, well, what do you mean you can succeed without doing? What do you mean? The only times when I work my butt off and show up and even work myself just like crazy, that's when it actually flow very hard. It can feel like, oh, ethereal. Oh, that must be nice. You must have some magical forces on your side. But when I hustle, that's when I get it done, or that's when it happens. So how do you define it? The allowing?

Tara Marino:

Yeah. I think that's a really good point to make because it's not like the hustling doesn't work. It's not like the forcing, it doesn't work. It's not like the making it happen doesn't work. It can work. We can receive some things in our life that way. What I like to pay attention to and invite women to pay attention to is how are you feeling in the process of that? What's actually occurring as you are in that energy and in that frequency? Because typically the hustle, energy, the make it happen, the force is so overly attached to that end thing. I got the thing. Look at me. I'm so great. I'm proud of myself now I feel confident I got the thing. The difference for me inside of the flow, inside of the awareness that we're speaking of is really the congruency and the resonance with who we are as we are moving towards the thing.

The thing itself starts to become, I don't even want to say icing. There's almost an expectancy, of course, the thing, not an ungrateful kind of an expectancy. Of course it's there. Of course it has shown up because it was laid out this way because I connected to it long before it has come into the external reality. The hustle, in my opinion, can push this way, at least from a feeling perspective. Like, yeah, you might get there, but truthfully, I think it takes longer when you hustle, when you force, when you make, it takes longer. It slows things down. Externally, we have it backwards. We think we need to show up externally, quicken our pace, bust it hustle. And yet we're afraid to slow down internally. So if we flip it and we recognize that when we slow down internally, things actually speed up externally. We need to be, I feel courageous enough to trust life in that way. So for me, the flow, it's really the divine flow. It's the divine timing. Am I participating in life in a way that reflects back to me who I'm really the energy I want to be in? Is it really success if we get the thing and we're exhausted and we're burnt out and we have adrenal fatigue?

Susie Moore:

And when it comes to the slowing down and the allowing piece, do you find that just when you get into just a, I don't even want to use the word happy, but just the state that feels good. That's where the magic is.

Tara Marino:

That's where, because you've arrived, it's completely, and that's really the beauty of it. And it's almost a little bit of a mind because it's like, oh my gosh, when I sit down in and I feel I desire, feel, desire, it almost doesn't matter what happens on the outside. It's such a crazy feeling because you become not attached anymore to that meeting, that external representation of I've made it, I'm good now.

Susie Moore:

And you can feel it right, Tara in people, you can feel it. For me, it's so palpable. If I feel someone who is just tense somehow and look maybe proving and maybe winning, however that's defined by achieving some goals, but I can just feel something I don't even know, but I just want to give the person a hug or the opposite. I don't know. There's like a repelling yet a, oh, I actually don't like it activates something in me. I don't like it. What do you say?

Tara Marino:

Well, I think you're bringing up something really beautiful that we forget because you also, and I think this is, we can easily jump here. Do you also feel the opposite when someone is in the flow, when you're around them, do you feel a relaxation?

Susie Moore:

Do you feel intrigued? Do you feel like a level of reflection and respect and admiration?

Tara Marino:

It's just this natural, I don't personally love the word magnetic because it feels a little bit of a dense energy for me. But if we can just look at that as even an extreme, like the repulsion and the attraction in this sense, this is why when you're in that state, things are coming to you because it's not just a person that feels that, ugh, when someone's in a contraction. It's everything. It's everything in the world that responds to that. Not because you're bad, not because you did something wrong, but because you're closed. And we can simplify it. It's not like, oh, you're negative. You're a bad, bad. You did something wrong. It's just you're closed. You're an energy and a frequency that is not in allowing. So if everyone listening, just even think of if you're not allowing, what are you doing? I see it as contracting closing at the opposite of receiving. So everything's going to respond to that. And we've all been there and we all still go there, right? Let's be real.

Susie Moore:

I can tell you, Tara, the worst emotion I think for me is just clinging or feeling like this has to be something has to change or this has to come through or that it's the worst and it can feel so much more important than it is to,

Tara Marino:

Yeah,

Susie Moore:

I can go there though, even though I can manage my mind, and I know that logically a desire over attachment and I can engage, but I don't need to need. But what happens when you're in that place, if you feel like, oh, this is going to happen. Does that still happen for you?

Tara Marino:

Oh Gosh. So I have such a good, I mean, it didn't feel good at the time, so I wanted another baby so badly. So badly. And I first brought up a conversation when I was 33 and our kids were three. And so you have two sons. I have two sons here that are healthy and alive with us. And my husband had gotten a vasectomy, and about two years later I was like, so, and he's like, kidding, business is going great. This doesn't make sense. And so I was like, you're right. So we waited and waited until this was not going away at all.

When I was 40, I had my first IVF, we got pregnant, and I was like, God, this is the best. The ultrasound showed a great heartbeat and everything was moving along beautifully. And then I miscarriage. And this was like, I cannot even explain how shocked I was at my own grief. I thought I lost a child in my arms. Why am I so upset about this? And what it was coming down to was the awareness that I thought I should be cutting to the front of the grief line. This shouldn't I know better. I'm spiritual enough. I know better. The ache was so deep for another child, I kept going and going and going had five IVFs. So that wanting something so badly that being willing to do anything. And I have to tell you, this was, I think my last IVF was in 2022, and this was actually a really big deal for me because I felt a level of responsibility to even my audience to show them that anything was possible. Wow, that's a burden.

I teach this. I teach that anything's possible and desire energy and go for your desires. But I started having deep conversations with myself about what was really occurring, and I got really honest with myself about why I wanted another baby, what was actually behind the desire. And this is a vulnerable conversation to have with ourselves. If something, so if we believe, and I guess everybody here does, I don't know, but if we do believe that this is something even better for the highest of good, and if we live into that and we don't just take it as something that is nice for our mind to say, but if we really surrender our hearts to that and we look at, okay, if this certain thing that I want so badly that I'm so freaking attached to, because we can also tell the difference. We set something in motion in the universe and we're like, you know what would be cool?

Know what would be nice? What would be so fun? Oh my God, can you imagine? Versus I'm scraping my nails on the wall. I need this thing so bad now about this yesterday. There's a difference in that energy. And so I was able to admit to myself that part of the reason this might surprise you, might not, it surprised me. Part of the reason I wanted another baby still so tender to say is because I wanted to be more my family at this point. I was running a business a CEO of the household. I would heal it. I was so much in my masculine, I wanted to step back and I didn't have the courage to say it. Wow. And so underneath all of it was this piece of me that's like, you know what? If you're pregnant, that wasn't the whole thing. Obviously I wanted another life and there was this whole contract and all of that. But unraveling the piece of me that was like, oh, I'll be able to step back. I'll be able to nurture. I'll be able to, if you've ever had a baby that this is really, doesn't even make sense because you're taking care of someone else the entire time. But the feminine aspect, and I can take a step back. I can go back into the SI energy that I love so much that I literally did not have the courage to admit to myself at that point.

So I just shared a lot there. I I'm trusting it, but yes, I've understood the over attachment energy, the needing something so deeply, the wanting to have that, something to avoid. And I would say that's beautiful to look at. If anyone listening feels this griping, I need that the ache for it. There's a difference between a desire and gene surround. And if you can isolate what's underneath the desire, what really the soul curriculum is being unfolded for you, there's such a gift in that. That's when we realized, oh my gosh. So I had a conversation with that soul and I heard, I'm not come mom. I was on my knees. It was really, really beautiful to, I think it's a really important part of the conversation because we think that success is getting these things that we say we want. And success for me is realizing that we get everything deeply without a shadow of a doubt.

Susie Moore:

Oh my Tara. I mean, it takes courage to look inside though. So easy to go, well, this is an issue with that person, or there's a medical thing here that's a problem. Or to go inside and go, what's behind this? What's behind this deep, deep longing? Because if it's not showing up, if the divine timing just isn't happening and you're like, I have surrendered this, what is it? I don't have any subconscious blocks and something's not, it's like, what is it? What is the answer here? I have a friend now, she's in a similar position. She's going through, she doesn't have any children yet. I just turned 40. She's about to turn 40. And it's tough. It's really, really tough. And all you can do is love and be there for people when they're going through something. But to ask your, because we don't want to ask ourselves anything. We're just like, how can I blame you? How can we look at who's wronged us? How can we go through the why versus, I mean, that is a profound insight, Tara. And you teach femininity. You teach women how to be women, and you are like, I wanted to have a bit of peace or to be taken care of or to what? A gift to arrive. Imagine how the world would be different if we did this 5% more,

Tara Marino:

Even 1%

Susie Moore:

Can you even imagine? Because it's a rare thing to come across someone who has insights like this who's willing to share them. And it could also feel like for someone like you who's been doing your work for a long time, you could go, I should have known this. I don't want to talk about that.

Tara Marino:

Hundred percent.

Susie Moore:

So do you feel now, you said that was 2022, so a couple of years ago. What have the last two years taught you coming through this and having that realization? How are you different now?

Tara Marino:

Well, once I recognized that that was something that was going in meet the Surface, I also recognized I could live into something pretty big. If I let myself, if that was what I was wanting to experience and I wasn't letting myself experience it, what could be possible? What would be there? What would I surrender to next? And inside of that, I made some really, really big decisions. I owned that, the fashion, the beauty. This is something that the, going back to that little girl inside of me that had those ruffles on her face,

Susie Moore:

Yes.

Tara Marino:

And felt this perceived level of this isn't okay, I should feel bad about this or this isn't acceptable. And watching myself through my life dim that part of me and overcompensating with, okay, I want to be the good girl and I want everyone to know I'm good. So how can I show I'm spiritual? How can I make sure no one ever questions me light? And so coaching was very convenient for that. I was doing good in the world and really witnessing that. And my ego was like, yeah, this is it. And my heart's like, what about the fashion? What about the beauty? That ego part of me? Well, that's not valuable, Terry. You can't do that in the world. That's not going to change the world. You're here to change the world. What are you going to do? Sell sweaters? So it was in that conversation that I got really clear about what I love, and I chose to retire from coaching. So I retired at the end of last year from any kind of live coaching, elegant famine is taking a whole, it's really humbling, even to say, and I don't know if you felt this in your business, but the part of me that really feels important, and knowing that I'm good at something, like I'm good at this, I can do this with my eyes closed,

Handing that over to a level of support where I can be more of a co-creative director and let elegant them grow beyond me instead of being so in it. I recognize that although that I love the coaching that my clients, and I'm so grateful for the evolution that in a way I was keeping myself stuck and hiding inside of that space so that I couldn't fail inside of the fashion industry so I could feel protected.

Susie Moore:

And blame you and blame me, Tara, that you're doing great. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Tara Marino:

It's going to awesome. That's the thing. That's what happens to us when we've stepped into this. It could be anything. It could be a relationship, a career, like anything. When we're good at it, when it's something that we've always wanted. When people see us there and depend on us there and like us there, it's really easy to stay there for fricking ever. There's no reason to move. This is good. How many of us have said this is pretty good. There's nothing actually wrong. Everybody would love this. And that's when the desire is really, this is what we're doing. This is what we're doing. So I made this commitment and launched a perfume line at the very high end of the scale, which sold out very quickly. And I go to Milan on Sunday with some, so some developers. I have a meeting in Paris with my art director on Monday. So I go Sunday, Monday, and then back to my mom on Tuesday. So that's what's happened over the past couple of years. I had said yes to my feminine. I know, I know.

Susie Moore:

I love it. Look, but we need real life role models because think about it, you running a coaching business is a dream for so many people. This is why I have a slight problem with gratitude. So I should just be grateful for, it's like, you know what? It's one thing to be grateful. And it doesn't mean that you're dismissing anything or the good that's come your way if you want something else.

Tara Marino:

I feel like so many of us get stuck there being taught when we were little. Just be grateful. Just be grateful for what you have.

Susie Moore:

List your blessings.

Tara Marino:

Yeah, yeah. Count your blessings. What I feel now, the biggest gratitude I can gift to God, to the universe is to say, more, please, more please. So when I'm in that space of recognizing my desires, my dreams, instead of collapsing on top of it and saying, oh my gosh, I should just be grateful for what I have. What am I doing? How dare I ask for more? I must be selfish. Instead, getting to that edge and saying more, please thank you so much more. Please, more please more faith. And you can feel it inside your body. Because when something stunning opens up and you're at that almost breathlessness, you're like, oh my God, I can't believe this. And we have that little temptation to go, okay, that's enough. Okay, God, that's enough. And we unintentionally as a default kind of push ourselves back from light. That's when we lean in more. That's when we say, and it's so vulnerable. It's such you can feel your heart melting into life.

Susie Moore:

And then sometimes you're like, I don't want to want this. I want this. Lemme think about every reason why this could potentially suck to dampen my desire. It feels too much, right?

Tara Marino:

Yes. Too good. Actually, this feels too good. This feels too good. So I'm going to pull it back a little bit. And this is the gorgeousness of the intensity of this life. Can we let ourselves feel it all? Because the mind loves to prepare these, I'm going to protect you from this and this and this and this. And we think that we're protecting ourselves only from the bad things. We're protecting ourselves from feeling any kind of extreme. Because when we get to those points of extreme, the mind literally does not know what to do. The mind can't reason with it anymore, and the heart is truly speaking. And that's scary for all of us. So we tend to pull back from the extreme. So the mind can still kind of orchestrate the protection.

Susie Moore:

So if someone is listening and they're thinking, I want to be bold and courageous like Tara, but I can never be that bold this quickly, but I can do a little step. Or maybe someone's in a rut because they've maybe created something, but it's maybe an older version of them with you, with the coaching, it's so easy to stay there and it's so impressive and cool, and people think it's amazing and they're die to be you, but your heart's pulling you in another direction. Number one, what's a sign of that? And then number two, where do we begin to trust it if we are terrified, especially if there's money. And like you said, you are responsible for your family. There's reality too.

Tara Marino:

Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know where to start. What was the first part? What you said?

Susie Moore:

What's the sign? Sometimes I think we don't even notice the sign. We just shut it down too quickly. We can feel there's a stirring, like a feeling of what more could there be? Or we'll notice someone who's doing something and we'll feel inspired or envious maybe. Or we'll go or we'll go, oh, she's trash, or she's so fake. I always notice if I have those feelings of who's she? I'm like, pay attention. Pay attention. Look in wood.

Tara Marino:

So it's interesting that you bring this up. I have created a process for myself years ago, and I call it the femme chateau specifically because of that feeling of envy, jealousy, the trigger that we feel of like, gosh, that, and so what I started to do, and there's a process for women around this, is incorporating these women inside of my fem chateau actually bringing them through the door. And we have a beautiful conversation about inspiration and turning the envy and jealousy into the recognition of, oh, that's something I desire. Because one of the most difficult things for women that come to elegant family, at least initially, what they think is that they don't know what they want. And it's not true that we don't know what we want. We all know what we want.

Susie Moore:

I completely agree. I completely agree.

Tara Marino:

We just haven't given ourselves permission. So when we see that trigger, that jealousy, that envy, it's a beautiful thing because that woman has just reflected to you the opportunity for you to gift yourself permission to desire that it's really cool thing. But I don't know if that's where you were going initially. That's just something that came up around the,

Susie Moore:

I know that when people listening to this conversation, they might think, I want to do something new, or I'm being pulled in a new direction, but where do I start? I can't just take a full on leap, close something down or quit a job, or where do we start?

Tara Marino:

So this kind of brings us full circle. We don't need to do anything actually kind of cross that up. We don't need to do, Jack.

We can really feel into, do I want to do, I want to choose? Do I even want to consider a choice around this and get quiet enough to ask myself what do I want and what do I require to admit to myself? Because you said earlier, and it's so true, we don't slow down and ask ourselves that question. We don't get quiet in every side. And I believe the reason is is because we're afraid not only of the answer, but we are afraid we'll have to do something with the answer as soon as we have it. So we avoid the answer completely, right? We're like, forget it. I don't want to do the thing. I don't know what the thing is. I don't know how to do the thing, so I'm not even going to ask myself what's going on.

So what I'd love everybody to consider is you don't have to do anything. You can ask yourself. You can choose the awareness, you can receive the information, and you do not have to do anything with it. But can you at least gift yourself the permission and the space to be with the truth inside? And start there. Really close your eyes. Sit in a place of stillness and ask yourself that hard question and hear what comes up. And this is where the elegant femme type is really, really supportive because she does increase our capacity to receive receiving doesn't just come with, actually, look how cute this nail polish that I just got, this Gucci nail polish is adorable. But it's not just like, okay, I receive the thing. It's receiving intuition. It's receiving guidance. It's receiving awareness. So sitting with ourselves and asking people that guidance and awareness and being willing to hear the freaking truth inside without needing to do with it, that's where we all, I believe, will priority start. That's the tiny step. That creates a huge expansion. Actually. We can't skip that step.

Susie Moore:

It's a very maternal thing almost to do with ourselves, right? To go, you don't have to do anything. It's not straight to this and hurry up. It's like, it's okay. Yes. It's like a playfulness almost, right? There's a lightness here.

Tara Marino:

I love that you're saying that. I mean, I cannot tell you how often I walk through my day saying, it's okay, Tara. It's going to be okay, babe, I've got you. I love you, Tara. It's okay. There's nothing to do here. We've got you. I love you. Constantly through my day. So yes, you're absolutely, I would say that's completely aligned because we try to skip that energy. We have a tendency, all of us, to skip the indie, to skip the French sheet, and to go right into the New Yorker and say, okay, here's how this is going to work. I'm not going to admit I want the thing till I know what's required to do the thing, and I'm not even going to admit that I want the thing and know what's required to do the thing, unless I have a hundred percent guarantee I'm going to get the thing. So we hang out here in this energy and we spin and we spiral. And that's why we never admit to ourselves when I start working with women and they're like, oh, I don't want that thing. The thing I thought that was fueling me, the accolade of this and that. Actually, it's the truth. I got quiet inside. It's this over here. And guess what? That thing over there has typically been waiting with a big, beautiful bow on it all

Susie Moore:

Patiently. Oh, yes, yes.

Tara Marino:

Patiently.

Susie Moore:

I'm just over here. It's so interesting because in my mind, I think if I were to get really quiet and something was to come through that I've been resisting consciously or unconsciously, as soon as I received the desire, I would go straight to the New Yorker. I'd go, okay. And I'm like, I've got three days and it's going to, I go, who can I call? Who's got the answers? What's your advice to go from that place of receiving to the action? Because life is action too. We put ourselves forward for things, and we like, here we are on a podcast. So what to you, what's that space between receiving and then moving forward?

Tara Marino:

Yeah, it's the Frenchy. It's the Frenchy. It's the enjoying, it's the play. It's the beauty, because this is so accurate, what you're saying. The majority of us, especially in this evolutionary path, we're like, okay, I'm going to slow down. I'm going to listen to my intuition. Okay, yep, got it. Here we go. Right? And we jump right. The dogs are right over the Frenchie, and we're like, okay, good. I know now what I want. I'm aligned inside. I'm connected. I did my meditation. I'm good for today. Now the thing, where's the thing? Where's the thing? So after we have the awareness, after we activate the receiving, after we have that inner knowing and that, ooh, then it's really time to differentiate like, okay, babe, how much fun do we have? How do we enjoy this? What does this feel like? What does this look like?

What does this smell? What does this taste like? What is the expression of this? For us? Really immersing ourselves in the intimacy of the relationship with the thing. This is really different. When I think about my fashion life, when I think about my perfume, when I think about the things that are happening, I'm constantly looking at centering myself and myself and saying, Tara, look at what's happening. You enjoying this? How much fun would it be? So say for example, you have this awareness, I'll walk you through how I would do it for myself. I have this awareness where I'm like, oh my gosh, it's the end of an error. I'm completing coaching, and my mind goes straight into, how's this going to work? How much money are you going to make? Do you know how much money you make in coaching? How are you going to stop coaching? Where's this money going to come from?

Start to feel with my friend sheet. Oh my gosh, how much phone would it be away? I don't lawn. I might meet with Vogue. That's insane. That would be incredible. Like, oh my God, how much fun would it be to have just meetings in Paris again after living there for seven years and seeing my art director and meet my best girlfriend? And like, oh my gosh. Can you imagine if I was on the billboard in Paris by the bus station playing with the like, oh my God, this is going to be fun. This is going to be fun. And you notice that it wasn't like the end goal of everything. It was the playing of the co-creation of this thing that I'm called to experience. It's not the end, it's the essence of it, the experience of it where the French is really, really helps us. And once we had that, honestly, the aligned action with the New Yorker happens so much easily, so much more easily, because it's not about how do I get this done? It's about how do I experience this whole, and it changes the things that we choose to do.

Susie Moore:

I think too, Tara, tell me if you agree with this. I think that the ideas we get are better because you can chat GPT, anything or whatever these days. You don't have to think it's all how to write a book. It can do it for you though.

Tara Marino:

So true.

Susie Moore:

And then you miss out on your entire life. So I notice that when I feel really aligned and just excited about something, I'll get quite a random thought or a, Hey, let's go there. Or Hey, I haven't spoken to this girl in ages and I want to call her and it doesn't make sense. If I told anybody, they'd go, oh, great. It's not obvious, but there is something that happens that elevates your action. The action's better somehow. Or you get a nudge and it isn't linear and it doesn't have this logical, well, these are the 10 steps to win. Do you find that you just have access to something completely different that then guides you

Tara Marino:

Completely, completely, I mean without a shadow of a doubt, it changes the entire conversation. It changes what were available for. We talked about earlier, the listening, the guiding, the surprising ideas that you're like, yes, where did that even come from?

Like, that doesn't even make sense. Last month, no, in September, I was already going to Italy and I got an invitation to be back in Italy like two weeks later, and I was like, this is insane. This is crazy. Who flies to Italy, spends two weeks, flies back for seven days and goes back, this doesn't make sense. This is ridiculous. And my soul, that you're supposed to be there. You aren't just supposed to be there. I don't know. I don't know if this is crazy. This is wild. And this story will come full circle probably within the next year, but what happened on it? I could have sat and planned out the amount of time that this would logically have taken to unfold. Unfold that took place in less than a week.

Susie Moore:

Well, so all these magical things happened with this clunky seeming trip, like two trips.

Tara Marino:

What are you doing? How do you justify this? Right? This is where the mind goes. How do you justify this ROI? How is this going to make sense? How is this going to give us a return? How is this going to give us a thing? It's not. It's in that fun place and discovery. You're saying that little sparkle, I wonder there's something there for me and be required to slow down to hear those.

Susie Moore:

How would you define the difference? Or is there one between intuition, a strong intuitive pull to something and maybe a fantasy? If there's some fantasy thinking? Is there fantasy thinking? How would you define it?

Tara Marino:

That's an interesting question. I guess first for me, I would have to define fantasy because I don't think a fantasy is bad. I feel like many ways I live in a fantasy. If we were to look at fantasy though from a perspective of, oh, that's not possible for you, or you're just dreaming, that's just a dream world. I don't know. For me, I think I have a difficulty with that because I'd be like, well, if I'm caught with it, lemme live into the fantasy. I literally believe that anything is possible.

Susie Moore:

I do too.

Tara Marino:

I guess the only caveat is if the fantasy was wrapped around some sort of energy of proving or should, or if I have this, then I will be this. Or if I have this, then right, we were talking about earlier. And to me the subtle difference in frequency for that would be almost how I could feel it in my body would be a heaviness of burden, energy, of proving energy, avoid energy inside of myself that I'm not enough without that versus the feeling of joy and play and possibility and expansion. Of course, I am that, and let's see how this prove out in the physical world right now. I don't know if that means

Susie Moore:

No, to me. It does. Yeah, to me it does. I know this person who she always talks about, just want to, I win a Grammy and she doesn't do the work. She doesn't create, she's not in that place. And I was like, is this a fantasy or is this actually something that you want? And I remember just thinking intuition for me comes with a bit of fear. It comes with, oh, this is going to require something and the fantasy will never, it's just, but I know what you mean. I feel like I live a fantasy life too, and I forever will. I hope dreams come true with you. Completely on the possibility thing. I feel as if intuition is such a good guide, but sometimes we misinterpret, sometimes even what we're thinking or we consider it so separate or

Tara Marino:

Yeah, I think any kind of misinterpretation comes from the mind trying to protect us from what it's, we actually know that we heard. It's this subtle that feels way too scary and way too true. So let me see if I can wrap a little bit of complexity around this to have you second guess yourself. I think we do know, I really do. I think we know, and when we remove the mindset, how can I protect you from this? How can I make sure your external reality is safe enough for you to speak your truth? When we remove that, I think it's like, oh God, I know that I'm, I know. I just know why. I just know.

Susie Moore:

And you can't mess with a person who knows, right? I've noticed that. I'm like, I don't mess with someone who knows something. I'm like, alright, I'm getting out of your way. I apologize.

Tara Marino:

My husband and I have this ongoing joke. He'll be like, and it's true for either of us if either of us just knows the other one's like, okay,

Susie Moore:

Same

Tara Marino:

Just like, right?

Susie Moore:

Yeah, same. So good to have. Yeah, okay. We just respect it and it's not every five minutes, but sometimes it's like, no, this is it. I've decided It's not even that you just side, it's just the truth somehow. Yeah.

Tara Marino:

It's like you admit, it's like you admit that.

Susie Moore:

Yes. So how did husband, your husband react to your transition with what it is that you are creating and building now? I'm so curious because I welcome my husband too.

Tara Marino:

So first of all, God bless a men that we have in our life.

Susie Moore:

I know

Tara Marino:

Just knowing you from this perspective and witnessing you as well over the years, I feel it's like a similar thing.

Susie Moore:

Yeah.

Tara Marino:

God supports me like crazy. I know. And sometimes too, in my vulnerable state, I'm almost like, could you stop believing in me so much?

I want something, I desire something. This is my vision. And he is like, okay, totally. You can do it. Let's go. I'm like, wait, are you sure? So he knows that I light up about, so I just finished writing my first book.

Susie Moore:

Oh, congrats.

Tara Marino:

Thank you so much. We're in the conversation with agents at this point, and so he knows the book, the beauty, the fashion. He knows I'm just a different person. So it depends on where he's operating inside of his scale as well. If he's in a space of like, okay, how is this going to work? And I can feel that trigger inside of me of he's reflecting to me my own fear in this moment. So instead of getting mad that he's actually asking the question that I'm asking inside me being willing to be like, okay, can I get clear with the truth about this? But honestly, he's so supportive and I would say supportive in the way where it's not just like, oh, sure, babe, just go do whatever you want. That's totally cool. I mean supportive also in those places where he's like, okay, cool. How's that going to work? How's this going to work? And not from a nitpicky, but really from, let's explore all of this inside of you and let's see if we can expand this and you can give yourself all the permission around this. He comes home, for example, he's up in Rhode Island right now. My son transferred. He got recruited by another college for soccer.

Susie Moore:

Amazing.

Tara Marino:

I know my boy, I can't believe I have an almost 21-year-old, a son graduating from high school. So Dave gets home tomorrow, I think at two in the morning because the flight got delayed and I leave on Sunday. So we'll have this transition together. And he's like, babe, go. I've got this. You've got this. We're in it. We know we're together. This isn't it. This is your thing and this is my thing. It's like this is a we thing, and we've always been like that from the very beginning. I want to know what are his dreams, what are his desires? How can I not just get behind him, but experience them with him? And he's the same for me, and he does all the marketing on the backend of Elegant Femme

Susie Moore:

So good. I completely agree. The gift, I mean, do you, okay last because I could keep you forever, Tara. I talk, but a lot of women, no, truly I would say a lot of women, we see this emergence more and more women being like the figurehead and their husband working with them and they're turned off. The man is kind of supportive, but kind of feels a bit superfluous. Well, there's some energy, the sexual energy that there, and I'm like, we, it is compatible somehow, and we don't even have conversations about who does what. We just know. I understand that's probably unique too, but if there's a woman who's in her position and works with the husband and it's not that way. It's like, well, what do you need to do? What do I need to do? And I'm not that into you right now. What's one thing that they could do or a question they could ask or something from Tara?

Tara Marino:

Yeah, so I think, again, we need to get really honest with ourselves about what we're really seeking, and we need to, if we get really quiet inside and we notice we have judgments about the feminine, if we notice, we're afraid of being seen as weak, if we feel like we're somehow going to be less than if we surrender to the focus of our feminine, if we are getting an adrenaline rush by being the ones who are making the money and a little bit of martyr syndrome and superiority, we get to check ourselves. We get to, and I will do this with myself. I'll say to my husband, I'm a little martyrs priority right now. I just need to take myself for a little bit of a walk so I can have a real conversation with you because I'm completely in my ego right now

Susie Moore:

How self-aware take to go. Okay, I'm going to be a real bitch right now walk

Tara Marino:

A hundred percent. But he'll say the same thing. He's like, I'm super triggered right now. I need to go because this conversation. No. And I can also notice when I'm not allowing support when I get that. I got it. Yes, I got it, I got it, I got it. So first of all, we need to get real with ourselves. Second of all, we get to ask for what we want. I'll say to Dave, I need you to help me. I need to be in my family. When he brings me my coffee with my butter blended, I am like, oh my God, take me now.

Ask for the things that you want, and please be having sex as much as possible. It to get super candid, this is a huge part of our relationship. I'm in full receiving. Full receiving. If this isn't a part of our formula, we begin. Both of us begin to feel it. I get on my high horse, I feel like I'm in control. Like, no, no, no. What are we playing with here? Sex for me and for us is a huge part of our relationship. And I noticed with my clients, a lot of the women that are in that kind of driving energy, what I say to them, so how's the bedroom? They're like us. What?

Susie Moore:

And that's the Frenchy part of us.

Tara Marino:

Exactly.

Susie Moore:

Oh, the pleasure, the receiving

Tara Marino:

The pleasure.

Susie Moore:

We're allowed. We're allowed to have it. And the money and the take care of me. And we're allowed.

Tara Marino:

We're allowed. I mean, how good does it feel to walk up to your husband, your partner, and be like, just take care of me. Take care right now. Can you just hold me? Can you just,

Susie Moore:

They love hearing that too. Of course they do. They're like, oh my God, my woman's emotional. They're like, come here. She needs me. Yeah,

Tara Marino:

She needs me. Right? That's okay. Can you let him love you? Really let him love you. Instead of walking around, you have it all freaking figured out. Can we melt into our partner's arm and be like, babe, I dunno. I just dunno right now. I dunno. Can you just hold me? That's what I need right now. I dunno. I just dunno. I'll tell, babe, can you buy me flowers while you're out? Can you, I'm craving asomething. Can you go on the website?

I don't even care what it's just go on the website. Pick anything.

Susie Moore:

But look what you're saying. Can you get me some flowers while you're out? I told a friend once about, maybe it was a year ago, and she has changed. She was like, he should know what I want for my buck. And I was like, oh. She's like, he's watching the game. I said, I'm fine. I'm like, this is all your fault. This is your fault. I love that you said it. I'm like, oh, you're fine. And he'll hear, I'm fine. He's probably a bit scared of you right now. But just say, here are three gifts. Choose one. That way also will be a surprise. I want to go here for dinner. No, I want an early reservation, not late because I want to go home. You just set them up for success. And this goes for every relationship. Doesn't matter the role.

Tara Marino:

It's true. And what you said there is really beautiful as well, because that aspect of us that does like to be surprised but doesn't, we're not saying hyper control every single little thing to where you're squeezing it. But yes, this would be nice and this would be nice, and this would be nice and surprise me within this. This is what I really want. I will tell you really quick. Well, we still have time. And with the most love in his heart, literally, he's going to be like, I can't believe you said this. Why one Christmas? He got me a whole set of tough.

Susie Moore:

Oh no.

Tara Marino:

Now granted, this makes a lot of sense because we were building a new house and it was a nice Tupperware set. I was like, oh,

Susie Moore:

This is like what you were saying to your friend.

Tara Marino:

Oh, oh, oh, Tara. Oh, oh, Tara, this is your fault, babe.

Susie Moore:

That was the last top worst that you ever got for Christmas.

Tara Marino:

That was the last kitchen. Anything I got for Christmas and having the loving conversation of, babe, please don't get me anything that you think is going to be useful ever.

Susie Moore:

Ever.

Tara Marino:

It has to have no physical world value in that way, function. No function.

Susie Moore:

No function whatsoever. Just beauty. Just make me feel sexy. Yeah, I know Tara. I could keep, where does everyone want to follow you? I mean, I hope there's a part two. We could have a part two to this. Oh

Tara Marino:

My gosh, it would be so much fun. So much fun.

Susie Moore:

Okay, so there we go. Yes.

Tara Marino:

Yes. So anyone that wants to know about the fem types, we have a fem design assessment and we have a special link for your audience. It's elegant fem.com/suzy. Let's keep it easy. And here is where women can take a quick 62nd quiz to find out which fem type they are predominantly operating in. Now, I want just one line of clarity. This doesn't mean that this is your natural essence or this is the femme type you are. It means this is where you're currently operating and it means that the other two femme types, you have huge pockets of power reservoirs of opportunity that you're not currently utilizing. So it can go there and get that goodies. And then of course, Instagram, Instagram, Tara and Marino and elegant fem ef. And you can probably add that to the show.

Susie Moore:

Fantastic. It'll be included in the notes. I'm going to take it to elegantfemme.com/susie, S-U-S-I-E. Tara, thank you. Best of luck to you with everything.

Don't need it, but oh my gosh

Tara Marino:

I totally received, this has been so much fun. I love you. I cannot believe how many years in the making I'm in. Just so much gratitude for you and for God bringing us together in this day. And thank you for what you're doing in the world because this conversation of can we allow it to be easy? It's not about shying away from the challenge and the growth opportunities, but I would say that one of the biggest growth opportunities the majority of us have is letting it be easy.

Susie Moore:

It's harder than it sounds, right?

Tara Marino:

Letting it be easy is hard

Susie Moore:

Until it's not, right?

Tara Marino:

Until it's not us. So good. Oh God.

Susie Moore:

So i know, like for hours. And Tara, thank you so much. Love to you. Check it out, my friends. Elegantfemme.com/susie. I'll be sharing my results too. So much love. Until next time, Tara.