Lisa Bilyeu On How To Have Radical Confidence

Welcome to Let It Be Easy with Susie Moore.

Susie Moore:

This interview with Lisa Bilyeu is one of my favorites, and I think you'll understand why once you start listening. I started following Lisa years ago, I believe. I just discovered her on social media, and I love just how real she is. She's one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram for sure, because she speaks so openly about marriage, about relationships, about not having children, about being an ambitious woman. And her new book Radical Confidence is so good, my friend. It is so, so good. It's 10 No BS lessons on Becoming the hero of your own life. Now, as someone who's read a lot of self-help books, if you know me, I've read hundreds, hundreds, hundreds. They vary in terms of how they share information and how helpful they are in terms of practical application. And Lisa is all about being very practical and tactical and real.

I love this book. I loved her lessons and her and I dive into quite a lot of different content in this conversation. We speak about being women without kids. We speak about how it's easy to get stuck without even realizing that you're stuck and how even gratitude could be self-soothing. Oh my gosh, we cover, we really run the gamut in terms of what it is that we cover in this conversation, and I think that you are going to love it. And if you dunno, Lisa, for context, she co-founded Quest Nutrition, which grew 57000% in its first three years with her lovely husband Tom. She's also the co-founder and president of Impact Theory Studios, a digital first studio that produces wildly entertaining original content focus on the theme that we love, which is empowerment. She has created incredible interviews with humans that I love to watch. Her content's been viewed over half a billion times, and Lisa is just, I think, a very modern voice in this age. She loves uncensored conversations. She is just so radically honest in what it is that she shares. She tells real stories, and I think you'll love this conversation as much as I did. So without any more waiting, I give you Lisa.

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I almost dunno where to begin because there's so much I want to talk to you about your fabulous book, radical Confidence. Congratulations.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Thank you so much, homie. I'm so happy to be here.

Susie Moore:

I love this topic. And as I was preparing for this interview, Lisa, I was thinking, gosh, you and I have so much in common including, and I'm going to list a few things here. So we're both English, living in the U-S-A, me in Miami, we both work with our husbands and have for years, we both have no kids, which I can't wait to dive into such a great topic. And we both love our little dogs like crazy. We both love the parcel development world. We both dealt with a lot of visa issues. I completely understand when I was reading that in your book, I've been there too. And one of my favorite, favorite, favorite things to talk about is of course, this topic of confidence. And what I love in your opening, Lisa, is you say that the way that you define confidence and how people often come to you saying, you seem so confident, like, gosh, it must be so easy for you. You say, I don't wait to feel confident to do something. Radical confidence is a life-changing magic of figuring shit out. Can you speak about that for a moment? I tell you, Lisa, people are like, wow, you must be born with it. She just believes in herself. She's just self-assured. Can you just talk to us about that as we begin?

Lisa Bilyeu:

Absolutely. Well, the funny thing is this all came from people were asking me, oh my God, Lisa, where'd you get your confidence from? I want confidence. Like you and Susie. I was like, who the hell are they talking to? There's no other way they talking to me because if you heard how badly that negative voice is in my head that's telling me I'm no good, what are the hell am I doing? Don't do it. All these warnings, all the messaging that it's telling me that I'm not good enough to try something, you wouldn't think I was confident. So I'm like, what is it that people are seeing? And what I realize is they see someone that still moves forward. So I still act, even though I'm insecure, even though I'm petrified, even though I don't have the skillset to actually take on a challenge, I still move forward.

And that has been, I think one of my superpowers in that people want to wait to have the confidence before they get started. And what I realized was I built my confidence all along the way. Confidence became the byproduct of getting started, figuring shit out, wax on, wax off, repeating, getting so good so that eventually you can show up and nail it, you can then become absolutely competent and it's in becoming competent that you gain the confidence. So that's where I was like, oh, people just need to take a step forward and figure shit out. Now, of course, it's not that easy when you have crippling anxiety, when you've got that voice sending you not to do it, it's not easy. So that's why I wrote the book in the way that I did it as well, of the 10 No BS lessons, because each chapter covers something very specific on you may feel badly about yourself, you may have this problem, and this is the blueprint to get out of it.

Because that's the thing, if anyone's like me who's listening where they allow that voice to take over, they allow that voice to hold them back. And so I recognize me saying, just do it no way doesn't help. You need a blueprint so that every morning when you wake up and you feel badly about yourself, you just say, what does my blueprint say I have to do today? Oh, I have to try this. Okay, I'm going to try it. Right? And now you're not listening to the voice in your head. You're still taking steps forward to build the competence that leads to confidence.

Susie Moore:

And your book outlines so clearly your steps. I love how you build upon them. And my favorite, one of my favorite parts of the book, when you speak about, and I love how you put this, the purgatory of the mundane. And I think that a lot of us, we can be in that sometimes, but because it's not that bad and hey, look, don't have cancer, right? Don't have anything really to worry about. It's easy to get stuck there. And that's where you share your story with us. How you are in the purgatory of the mundane for years, like years as a housewife, it wasn't your dream. And can you just share a bit about that and how can someone identify if perhaps they're in it?

Lisa Bilyeu:

Yeah, absolutely. So I think the first thing is I called a purgatory of the mundane because for me, I looked at my life and for eight years I didn't make a change. I was a stay-at-Home wife. I wasn't happy. It wasn't fulfilling. Literally every morning I would wake up and I wouldn't be excited about my day. When someone asked How's life? I would just answer, fine, it's okay. And that's almost the worst situation to be in because so many people that I know that I've interviewed, incredible women that have achieved amazing things, all stems from having hit rock bottom. They've got nothing else to lose. So they're just like, well, I may as well give that a shot. And giving it a shot, even when they don't feel good, is actually what leads them to the success. But when you are in a place that is the purgatory of the mundane where things are not bad enough, you start to make reason and excuses about why you are living that life.

Well, it's good for this person. It's just going to be for a year, right? It's not going to be that bad. Is this ringing any bells to anyone listening? So that's actually the first thing of how to recognize whether you are in it or not. Are these the automatic things that you are saying When people ask you, how are you? And when you think about it, Susie, when we were younger, when our parents said, what do you want to be? What do you want to do? At no point as a kid did you go, I want to be fine.

No one said, I want to be okay. It was, I want to be happy. I want to be an astronaut. I want to wait. It was big, audacious goals, dreams. No one said you can't be happy. I mean, it was like we just said it and yet we're in a place, or I found myself in a place where just fine, we actually good enough. And I never wanted to rock the boat. And so it became this purgatory where I didn't change. And so recognizing that you're not living the life you want is the first step. And this all goes to no judgment. This was really hard for me. I thought if I looked at my life and I said after let's say year six, Lisa, you're not really happy. Part of why I didn't is I didn't want to acknowledge I've just wasted six years of my life.

I've told my friends, as you said, we both left countries. So now here I am, I think, oh my God, I've left the country. I've told all of my friends and family, I'm going to go to Hollywood. I'm going to make these major movies. I'm now in Hollywood. I'm making movies, but I'm here and now what can I say? I'm the one that said my dreams. I'm the one that said I'm going to go and do this. And if I admit the last years, six years have all been a waste. Now that, what does that mean about me? The thing is, I chose to rather spend more of my time in something that I don't like than to pause, ask myself if I'm happy, and then making a pivot. And I want to ask people at home right now, how many people are doing that? Where they're using reasons. Well, it's just for another year I'll do this, when I'll do this, when I get enough money, when my kid is older, when I have the confidence. And I want to ask people right now, what if that when never came,

Susie Moore:

Never.

Lisa Bilyeu:

So those are just a couple of things I think that we can start to ask ourselves. And that's just the first stepping stone. But that's going to be the fundamental place to start with grace, with no judgment. Allow yourself to ask yourself those questions and then answer freely.

Susie Moore:

And Lisa, your story is interesting, right? Because when I first started reading it, you said, I was a housewife for eight years. And I was like, yeah, that is a long time if you're not happy. But that's not how it sneaks up on us. We have this sun bias one year, 18 months, and then your husband, Tom says to you, we need a bit more time to get the funding to create your dream, to create movies or beautifully detailed in the book, very openly and honestly, that is how it works, isn't it? It's like, oh, one more year. But I had a tech career, Lisa, really well paid. I've always been the breadwinner in my marriage, 500 KA year. I was like, oh, just one more quarter, one more commission checks. And I don't know what would've happened if I didn't have one client pull out on me and me having this come to Jesus moment. But that's how it works, isn't it? It's sneaky. This sunk time bias, the sunk cost of it

Lisa Bilyeu:

A thousand percent. And that's the thing, the worst trick is the trick we pull on ourselves is the wool over. Well, it's just the year. So it's like it's a self-soothing mechanism. And that's the thing is that I understand we want to feel good about ourselves, so we use ways to self-soothe to get us through the day. And so the self-soothing mechanism there is, it's not going to be for that long. It's not going to be. It's just for six months. It's for the greater good. It's for my husband, it's for the people we love. It's for my kids. And so we use this as a way to self-soothe during that moment. And this is also another part of gratitude that I thought was beautiful at first. So that first six to 18 months when my husband's like, well just be a stay at home wife.

We'll earn enough money, we'll go out and make movies. I was like, oh, it's just a year. It's just 18 months. Well, of course, six months down the line, I'm cooking, I'm cleaning. The biggest highlight of my day was getting a stain out of the carpet, and I was just hating my life. I was. And look, again, zero judgment. If someone loves that, zero judgment, if you love that and that's your life, I can only applaud you that you're living the life you want. I wasn't. But during those, let's say six months, where am I? Oh my God, I freaking hate this. This sucks. This isn't the life that I dreamt about. This isn't what I thought my life would be in those moments, I use gratitude. And I'm like, but Lisa, you've moved to America. You always wanted to live here, but Lisa, you're so grateful for the husband that loves you more than life itself. Lisa, you're so grateful for having a roof over your head. Some people don't have that. And so in those moments, it becomes a beautiful self-soothing that allows you to emotionally, what I call emotionally sober up, not let your emotions

Susie Moore:

Wild,

Lisa Bilyeu:

So emotionally sober up and be honest about how grateful you are for the things you do have. It can take you from a negative mindset to a positive. Now, the problem is, does that start to become the biggest detrimental tool that you're using to keep you stuck? And that's what happened to me. To your point, Susie, it was slow. It was step by step, day by day. That gratitude, that was a beautiful self-soothing, ended up being the absolute staple that kept me stuck in purgatory the mundane, because after year three, after year four, when that voice would start to come in and I'd be like, Lisa, is this really the life you want? That voice is like, how ungrateful are you? How ungrateful for you, Lisa, that you want more? You've just spent three years not having to work. You spent three years being able to leisurely do your husband's laundry, and here you are saying that you don't enjoy your life.

How ungratefully you? And so now that gratitude piece was absolutely a negative thing that I was using. It was keeping me stuck. And so being able to, having transparent understanding of how you're feeling with no judgment, and then saying, do I still want to keep doing this? But not using almost like the threat of being ungrateful to keep you where you are. I want to tell people right now, you can absolutely have an amazing relationship, a roof over your head and still have other parts of your life that you absolutely despise, and you have every freaking right. You deserve to go after those aspects in your life that don't suit you, period.

Susie Moore:

It's not gratitude, but it's like, and yes, and speaking of, I mean, one of my favorite, this is part of the best acronym, I want to write it down on a post in my mirror, N-B-S-W-W-I-T, because it's so good.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Yeah, absolutely. So this comes to, there's going to be the difference between how you feel about something and then what you actually want in life. So that is no bullshit. What would it take? Because how many people right now are sitting there beating themselves up over not reaching a goal? So you've set a goal, I really want to do this, and every year you're like, you're not there yet. My god, I can't believe it. And sometimes that voice that is in that head saying, I, you're not there yet, starts to beat yourself up. See, I told you you're no good. I told you you're a loser. I told you, you can't set this goal. And you start to have that internal dialogue that you're no good, and it becomes this spiraling negative thought. The whole point of no bullshit. What would it take is to say, what is that goal that I want in life and no bullshit?

What is it actually going to take for me to get there? Once you've done that, then you can say, now that I know what it's going to take is that the actual life I want. So for instance, people say to me, I'm so lucky. I want a relationship like yours and Tom's. And I'm like, okay, no bullshit. What would it actually take to have a relationship like mine? And it would take you to have utter communication on a daily basis where you're willing to say the hard thing. It will mean never saying sorry, when you don't mean it. Even when you know it's going to eliminate the argument right here, right now, it would mean, so I can lay out all the no bullshit. What would it actually take? He'd be like, oh my God, that's how you say what? You would say that to him.

Oh my God, yes. And so if you want the relationship that me and Tom have, you have to be willing to do all these things that come with it. So the perfect example, if we can just go to a skillset, it makes it very easy and very binary. Let's say your goal is you want to be a pianist and you say, I want to be the best pianist in the world. And every year you start freaking beating yourself up. Like, dang it. I told myself I really wanted to be a good pianist and I can't even read cheap music well, but I don't actually have the time and I don't actually have the money. And so you can now come up with a lot of reasons, reasons why you're not getting to your goal, but if you play the no bullshit game, you can actually lay out the reality and then you can look at your reasons and see are they actually reasons or are they excuses?

So I'm going to take you through a real world of how I would play this. So you say your goal is you want to play the piano. Okay, great. The very first thing you do is say, no bullshit. What would it actually take for me to be one of the best, the greatest at playing the piano? And you sit there and you look at all the greats in the world and you see how long they've spent, what their lifestyle is. So let's say maybe your path to getting there, no bullshit. Remember, this isn't to make you feel good. This is actually what it would take. Alright, well I'm so far, I need to build the skillset of learning to read music. Then I would need to learn, understand the keys, then I would need to practice. And then I would need 50,000 hours of practice in order to become adequate enough to get a paying gig at a store. Alright? And then the paying gig at the store, you want to play, let's say 10,000 hours more to then get a paying gig as a backup pianist for Celine Dion. And then what you're going to do is you're going to need to go from that rate to then the world class rate. You're going to then need another five years to spend another 30,000 hours to then practice more so that you can now become the leading pianist in an orchestra in London Theater or whatever.

Susie Moore:

Yes, the ballet. Yeah.

Lisa Bilyeu:

So I've just laid out the big audacious goal. I've then put out all the increments of how you get there. And now you go, okay, for me to spend all that time, all that energy, what's the no bullshit? This is what'll take. It'll mean, oh, okay, I can't do date night with my husband anymore. I no longer can go on vacations because I've just weighed out all the hours it's going to take me to get there. And I've realized that I can't go on vacation for at least 10 years. And so now you're looking at all the reasons why you said you can't, and now you're debunking them. You're looking at maybe the excuse that you say, well, I can't afford it, so I'm going to wait for enough money. And you can go, okay, well, if I sold my house or I stopped going to Starbucks or I never bought another item of clothing for five years, I could actually sell all of my belongings, buy a piano, move into a studio apartment, and now I can afford a piano. Okay, great. So now it's the no bullshit how you get that good. And now you just say, do I want that? Do I want to live in a studio apartment? Do I want to never go to Starbucks again? Do I want to not go close shopping for five years? Do I want to stop dating my husband?

And then you can just answer the question. And if the question is no, that sounds like a sucky life, that's amazing because now you say, oh, the goal that I set for myself doesn't actually lead to a life that I want. And now you don't beat yourself up over it. You don't have to come up with excuses of why you're not there yet. And so that is how you play the no bullshit. What will it take game. It gives you clarity on what that goal is, what you have to do to get a goal, and it debunks any freaking excuses that you're using on why you're not there yet.

Susie Moore:

Oh my gosh. And it's not what you outlined in the book too that's so helpful is it's not as if you do this once and then you're like, good, achieved my one goal, I'm set for life. Take me to the grave. It's you keep coming back to this. You've come back to this, and I love the story too, your personal experience of how when you started the Quest company, you were so good at shipping with your hairnet, playing Tupac, rocking out, and you became this go-to who had this big responsibility and then they wanted to move you to the media team, the social media, et cetera. And then you were kind of starting again. And there was a lot of that. It takes confidence to be uncomfortable, to be willing to start where someone is brand new again and learning the ropes again. And you say, I didn't have a clout. I had a lot of people coming to me and all the fancy influencers, and I was starting from scratch again. And then you ask yourself again, where do I want to go from here in this? And a lot of us fear that, and I think that so many changes that would be so helpful just never take place because we're not willing.

Lisa Bilyeu:

I think it is. And when you actually even, because always about peeling the onion, right? So it's like, I'm not willing, well, hang on. Why am I not willing? What is it that I'm not willing to change identities? And that's kind of what I call it, right? It's like I had the identity of originally being for eight years, a supportive wife. And so the identity was, I was good Greek housewife. And so when Quest came along, we grew at 57000%. And so I went from helping my husband shipping bars from my living room floor to then we just grew so quickly that it became a pivoting point of, am I still a stay at home wife or do I give that up and change into entrepreneurship? And so in that moment where I started to be like, oh, I'm really, I'm actually nervous about changing even though I've identified I don't love the life that I'm living.

And so when you start to peel back, why is that? Why would I hold onto something that I'm actually not enjoying? And to me, it came down to the validation piece is that even though I didn't enjoy it, I was getting so many pats on the back, just like what you were saying about your past job where it was like, oh my God, how many people just like, oh my God, you're earning $500,000. That's the dream. And people I'm sure are patting you on the back of being such an incredible female being able to earn this much. You go girl. And maybe your husband is like, I love being you, being the supportive person. So maybe you're getting all these pats on the pack, all the accolades, all the valid, you feel good about it, about being the breadwinner. I felt good from the validation, not the actual act, but from the validation I was getting for being a great supportive wife.

So that was my identity. So once I started to peel back the onion and being like, hang on a minute, I actually really enjoy entrepreneurship. I freaking hate cooking and cleaning for my husband. Why am I so reluctant? And that became the truth of like, oh, I'm about to try something new and if I fail, I will now be the person that failed. I will not be the person that is amazing at supporting her husband. So where was I going to feel good about myself? And that's when I realized in my whole life, I was living every day on waiting for those pats and it backs and those validations, and that became a crutch. And so what I realized is, oh, I have to shift this. I have to deliberately create validation within myself, and this has to be deliberate. It was like I know it didn't feel natural.

I was literally looking and was like, see, I'm a great Greek wife, and I was literally, my husband was like, it was the best. Why would I ever complain? It was like all of my needs were met. So it became a how do I, so A, recognize what isn't good for you, don't beat yourself up or recognize it. So I was recognizing I was looking externally to feel good about myself. I then realized that I had to take ownership over that. I then had to realize it was on me to implement a technique and a strategy to get myself out so that I could validate myself. And if I could validate myself, now I was able to try anything new because I wasn't waiting for either failure or for success. I wasn't waiting for the external validation. So now that's one piece. But then how on earth do you validate yourself and you keep failing?

Susie Moore:

It's a good question.

Lisa Bilyeu:

So this became a, okay, I know I need to, but how the hell do you? So my husband actually came up with this where he was like, have the identity of the learner. So now my identity was a good Greek wife. How do I pivot that and be like, Lisa, something that is untouchable, something that's unbreakable, and it became Lisa, you are the learner. So now let's take that as an identity. I want everyone at home to think, ooh, the worst case scenarios that you could do that you are fearful of, that you want to change in your life, and now pivot with the identity of the learner. So let's say for instance, Susie, you are saying, in fact, give me a real world scenario, a fear.

Susie Moore:

Well, a lot of people who I work with, they fear that if they make a change that they will be unsuccessful and it'll be embarrassing. And especially those who've reached a certain level of success. It's like if I try something new, like a new talk, or if I try a different topic for a book and it fails, then I've basically lost all of my cred.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Okay? Exactly right. It's the fear of the failure part that you worry about that says something about you. Now, first of all, I would say in failing does not make you a failure, number one. Number two, mantra that people are going to repeat to themselves. Failing means you care enough about your life that you're willing to try. That's going to be the second reminder that we will tell ourselves. And then the third thing is failing is an opportunity to get better.

So now, as the learner, as the person that's going to take the failure and do better, you can imagine if I can learn from an error, if I can learn from something that went wrong, now every time I fail, if I've learned something, it's a great lesson, which now means because of this failure, I'm more knowledgeable. So now anything I try immediately be like, oh, here's the fear. What am I fearful of? I'm fearful that I'm going to fail, but failure means I'm going to learn. Now if I have the identity of the learner, it means I've succeeded. I just tricked my mind like that.

Susie Moore:

And the loan is a perpetual identity. It's not as if we're hanging that up now, I know everything. I mean,

Lisa Bilyeu:

It'll forever be my identity. So take an instance where especially as Quest was growing, my husband and his business partners had at that point about 10 years business experience under their belt. I'd been a housewife for eight years. So I walk in to a boardroom with my husband, his business partners, and other people in C-level who all have multiple years experience. They're all male. I'm the only female. And once upon a time, the imposter syndrome would've come in that negative voice. Lisa, you have no idea what you're doing. You're going to embarrass yourself. You don't know anything, you're going to embarrass yourself. Now, a lot of people have that fear and they're not going to walk into the room because they feel that crippling anxiety. Or you walk in and you sit at the back petrified and you're, please don't ask me any questions. Now imagine you walk in that room with the identity of the learner. You walk in and you go, what can I learn? Teach me the zero imposter syndrome, the zero fear, because I don't have to prove anything because I've gone in there as the learner.

Susie Moore:

It makes you likable too, because there's no ego. No. Like I'm coming in, I don't find me out. I don't know anything. It's like, hey, I'm just, I'm here with a really open mind. I'm really grateful. Exactly. That energy is very attractive, very, I want to be. It's loving. There's something so loving with that. We're all just here. And now

Lisa Bilyeu:

Imagine you fail, feels like everyone's like, oh, well, it's just the learning. Do you hear that echo? And they're just stopped. That was weird.

Susie Moore:

We'll edit. Don't you worry. No, no. Tru, I love Alana. And I think that if we can identify with this forever, we'll also stay forever young. Exactly. There is a youthfulness to learning, right? There is a magic to. And also, do you find that just the curiosity of it all is what makes life interesting as we go, as we try? Isn't that what makes us present to the learning?

Lisa Bilyeu:

I definitely think so. I think the problem comes though, where people aren't confident enough to be curious to then see the benefits of it. Because the fear of failing, because of what the identity they have currently is telling them, they're not capable of even giving that a shot. So I think that that first step of how do I actually overcome this fear right now? And so that's why in my book, I'm trying to get very tactical. I have been that person that has been most extremely insecure. I was teased as a kid. I felt very badly about myself. So if you can think about being that person where I don't think I was born with a spark, I don't think that I was, didn't have confidence growing up, and I don't think of myself as smart. I actually wish that I did, and I wish that I was born with confidence. It would've saved me so many years, Susie, of being

Susie Moore:

Uncomfortable.

Lisa Bilyeu:

It would've saved me so many years. And so I really truly believe that if it's possible for me, then I think it's possible for anyone. But I don't think it's blindly possible. I don't think you can just go believe in yourself and you can do it. It's like, oh, dear Lord. No.

Susie Moore:

And this is why I love the book, Lisa, because it's not just sit down and imagine that you're in powerful, right? It's like no practical, practical, practical. This is what you outline here. It's so step by step. It's so clear. And one piece of your book that I really enjoyed was when you speak about having no kids and how it was a big identity for you as a Greek woman to have I think four children and how your family had expectations around that too. And also Lisa, women come to me a lot and ask about not having kids. My husband and I just don't want them. And in a way, was

Lisa Bilyeu:

That from the start, you didn't want them.

Susie Moore:

I think we initially thought that we would because that's what people do. And then we've been married 12 years and years go by, years go by. I'm 38. And it's almost like we've waited for something to change and it hasn't. And I haven't actually got that much to even say about it because I feel like, and what you did, I've

Lisa Bilyeu:

Got a lot to say about it. I like chapter,

Susie Moore:

It's so good. And I'm like, if I did do what you did, I would be absolutely in alignment. So for me, I always think it's not even really a decision, it's just something that you gravitate towards or something that you don't. And I love how you broke down. You said there are three doors in front of me, and you break down with three different options, and you pose a question of what would a Wednesday be like a regular idol run of the mill Wednesday? What would it be like with kids without kids? You run through the scenarios again, you have this very honest communication with Tom and you're like, okay, well I guess that's not it. And then you say here, choosing is bittersweet. You've not once regretted it, which I love. And that you also, and this is interesting, I feel like I get pangs of this. You also have to mour it, mourn something that you thought was once for you. So I don't know where to begin with this because truly people ask me about it and I'm like, I don't really have that much opera. I just know what's right for me. And so trust yourself. But I feel like you've got a lot to say.

Lisa Bilyeu:

So I think I do have a lot to say because I really thought that I was going to have four children, traditional Greek Orthodox. I told my husband, look, you're marrying someone that wants four kids. I want a big family. So the journey for me has been very deliberate in identifying my feelings, going from thinking I was going to be a certain way to then very much pivoting. So there's multiple things to discuss here. And the first thing is to acknowledge something that doesn't feel right. So that was really the first thing where over time to what you were saying, I was just like, oh, well, I'm sure the feeling will come eventually that I want children. And it was like just next year. Next year. So I think that there is that fear of looking at the hard truth of how you're feeling. Because again, sometimes it's a chapter that I call in the book is open up the can of worms and embrace the it.

So many of us don't want to ask the hard question. And the reason why I get it, the reason why is sometimes when we ask ourselves a hard question and we answer it, it actually reveals something that we don't necessarily want to hear. So for instance, am I happy in this relationship? Right? That's a question that so many people try not to ask themselves. Because if you ask and the answer is no. Now, what does that do? It means you have to address it. It means maybe you have to ask yourself, well, do we go to therapy? Is this actually even worth saving? Does this mean a divorce? If you have children, who gets the kids? Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life? What happens at Christmas time? It can open so many doors to something that is so uncomfortable that most of the time we're like, ask, grow it. We just don't ask ourselves the question. So it needs to be, start with the uncomfortable feeling, just speak, then actually look at it, then ask yourself the question, and then it becomes the no judgment thing. So I think we can all very much convince ourselves of why something is a great idea.

So I can convince myself why having kids is an amazing idea. I can literally just spiel to you right now, 30 different reasons. Number one, I just want to see a little Tom running around. It would melt my heart more than anything if I had a daughter to be able to empower her to have a mindset where she actually thinks and believes that she's unstoppable. I didn't have that. So to be able to impart that on my daughter would be beautiful when I'm 80, to have a kid that takes care of me, that I can literally to fill the baby inside me, I really wanted to feel what it was like to have a baby grow inside me. So you can understand how in these moments of focus on the beauty of something, you can convince yourself it's the right thing now, because I'm just honest with myself and I recognize I can absolutely pull the will over my eyes if I want to.

I need to make sure that I don't, and that decision that I make is actually the right decision for me in the long term. And so I said, you know what? Actually, look at what it would be like to have children on a regular Wednesday, because I love my Wednesdays right now. Today's Wednesday, in fact, and I'm loving it, right? I've not been hanging out with you talking about empowerment. Go, this is my fricking jam to know that maybe homie that something I say that something you say that a conversation that we have right now can actually impact someone for the rest of their lives. Holy smokes, yes. Count me in. So you don't have to persuade me on the Wednesday I currently have. But if I was to introduce a baby, what would an average Wednesday look like? And now create the honest buckets of the different scenarios.

So it was bucket number one, don't have children. What does my life look like? Alright, I already know what it looks like. It's the life that I live. Now, bucket number two, I know there are women out there that do both, that they have a thriving huge business and also have kids. So I know it's possible, but what does that look like for Lisa Eu? Not for anyone else, but for me. What does that look like for me on an average Wednesday if I had to, not had to, but I decide that I'm a mother and a business woman. And then the other bucket is, what would life look like if I gave up my career and I've solely focused on my kids and paint those pictures and be honest about what those pictures actually look like. So for instance, when I say be honest, I said to my husband, what type of father do you want to be?

And he said, I'm ambitious. And so while I'm going to love the children from Monday to Friday, I'm not going to be the father that's coming home at 7:00 PM and eating dinner. And I'm not the father that's going to tuck them into bed. And I'm not the father that's going to get up in the middle of the night because if I give up my ambition, I'll start to resent my children. So he knew he had to hold onto his ambition in order to be a great father on the weekends. Respect, we just had the honest conversation. I can't judge him for being honest. And so now knowing that, knowing the variables, if you will, I saw in these buckets that I was the one, if we had kids, I was the one that would wake up in the middle of the night.

I was the one that would be putting them to bed, either me or the nanny. But that's the reality. No, all of a sudden being surprised. I dunno how many women you've heard, but I've had friends that are like, he doesn't even get up in the middle of the night. And I'm thinking to myself, did you not have this conversation before you had the kids? It's like a business, right? It's like decide whose responsibility is what. So when in deciding to have the kid not to have children, I asked my husband with no judgment, what type of father, what is the weekends going to look like? He said, I want to spend all my time with the kids on the weekends because I don't want to have children and being absent. And I was just honest. I was just honest with no judgment. Lisa, do you want to move down your husband's priority list and be after his ambition and children? And I said, no. And then I asked him, if we decided to have children, the kids would now officially become my number one. My career would be my number two. And so you may be going down to number three. Are you okay with that? And he said, no. And so we just were honest. And so that was how we ended up coming to the conclusion that we didn't want children.

Susie Moore:

I wish people did this with all their big decisions, the actual let's look at a day. What's the reality? Because very rarely, very seldom do we actually look at a very realistic picture. And one question I have for you, Lisa, is when people ask you, because of course they see you, you're in love, and they see us and like, oh, you so love. Do you have kids? I always feel like I'm kind of disappointing people a tiny bit. If someone's like, do you have kids? Oh, you hear all the things. And they're very well-meaning so very, very. I always feel like I never ask a woman if she has kids just because it's a difficult topic for lots of reasons. But what do you say people ask? You just go, no.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Yeah, we've decided not to. Yeah. And what's interesting is I actually still ask women if they have kids, and it's not out of, maybe it's because of my intention. I am so intrigued, right? It's like, oh, you don't, was that a decision you made? How did you make the right? And so it becomes a lesson for me. I think it also becomes a space where women can feel like they can talk about that it was a decision they made. Or if it's not, you decide not you can't have children. If someone's able to be vulnerable with me, I also try to leave space to actually talk about that as well, because I think that that's an important struggle on like, oh my God, all you wanted was children and you're not able to, I'm so sorry. I would love to hear your story and kind of just bring people space to really be true to their answer. And I think that so many people, and maybe this is why you are disappointing, is you've seen disappointment in people's faces. And I'm betting, I'm going to guess Susie, your people pleaser.

Susie Moore:

Oh, yes. Forever. Yes, I know. Yeah, we're fine. Don't worry.

Lisa Bilyeu:

So even with that, I can understand why you feel like you don't ask people, because when people ask you, you feel like it means that you're going to disappoint people. But because for me, when people ask me, I find my answer very empowering, whether you have children or not, that I like people asking me and I enjoy asking people, and I think

Susie Moore:

That's much better. That's much better. Okay, I'm going to adopt this. It's like, no, I say we're not having any. But then I think, well, again, this is my own story, but it's like people might think that I'm struggling and then they'll feel guilty for asking, and then I'm going, oh,

Lisa Bilyeu:

But now isn't it more powerful to say, actually this was a decision me and my husband made together? No, please, please.

Susie Moore:

And then you say you've never mourned it. You're just like to be, because I think that often people say, you'll regret it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you are just like, as a woman, married a long time, very happy, very clear. You're like, I'm absolutely good with this.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Now the reason why is the how I did, what does your average Wednesday look like? That's what I call it. And so guys, if you're listening at home, to your point, Susie, do it with anything. It doesn't have to be kids. What does your average Wednesday look like? If I was to do this, it ties in with a no bullshit. What would it take? What would it actually look like on a Wednesday if you chose to have kids and work? So it becomes that real transparent thing. But as you are playing this, I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought as you shit,

Susie Moore:

I love this. We love it when we forget because it's just human.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Yeah, yeah. It's so human. Oh, I get so excited about a thing. And I was like, oh, no. So if you're playing, so if your average Wednesday and you decide something, I think it's going to be. So think about how you've come to that conclusion. And that's why I played it, because even if I regret it, no one can guarantee whether you're going to regret something or not ever. You can do everything in your power to have assessed something, to take the blinders off and say, am I looking in every which way? And it's very possible. I'm going to regret it. I can't control that. So that actually gives myself the grace to say, did you do everything in your power to assess the situation? Did you go in? Did you take the blinders off? Make sure that you're not trying to protect your ego.

Did you actually take the blinders off and look at the situation for what it was? And if you did and you still regret it, I actually won't beat myself up over it. I'll be like, oh my God. Yeah, you did regret that decision, but you know what? You gave it your best shot, and now I'm going to learn from what I may have missed. Or maybe I haven't missed it. Maybe I've just changed the human, but I don't want to live in fear of regretting something, and I don't want to beat myself up if I end up regretting something. So I kind of take the power and go, how do I right now in real time, do act and show up so that I'm mitigating as much regret as humanly possible? And so that becomes going back to ask yourself the hard questions and the brutal question that I had to ask that people, I understand why, but so many people hide behind it where I said, if we decide not to have children right now, and I die, my husband can still change his mind.

My husband can have kids into his sixties and seventies. So him saying he doesn't want kids actually has a different weight to me saying, I don't want children because if I want to bear the children myself, there's a ticking time clock. So now I go, okay, I have to understand that I have to embrace that, but I'm not ready. I don't want children. Okay, well, what if I do change my mind? All right, Lisa. Well, there's surrogacy. You can go and freeze your eggs right now so that if you regret it, you've got a backup plan. Okay, well, what did that look like? It means you have to take hormone injections. I've got massive health issues. So I looked at it and said, okay, no BS because I'm not trying to kid myself. But I looked at the situation and I said, okay, this is what I'm worried about.

I'm worried about regretting. I'm worried about not being able to bear children myself, something that I really wanted to do. I've come up with a plan in order to mitigate that, but is this right for me right now? And I was like, no. Taking hormones when I'm really sick, already out of a fear that I might have isn't protecting my body now. It's not protecting my mindset now. And so I won't damage myself now for a future regret. And so I just peeled it back and was honest, and now I just have to be honest with myself. And I said, I recognize that if my husband dies early, if he dies and I turn 50, I'm pretty much shit out of luck of giving birth to my own children. And am I okay with that? And those were the questions I just had to answer.

Now I'm alone. I don't have a husband. My 20 year marriage is no longer there. I don't have anybody currently in my life. And so am I okay with saying and feeling alone and saying, you gave up the chance to have children. You wanted your career, you wanted your husband to be your priority. And now all of that is gone. What if my business fails? So processing all of this is going to be important. And then to your point, coming full circle, I so thought I was going to have children. I love the idea of being a mummy. I really did. The little kid calling me, mummy makes me feel great. The only thing that I want more than that is to own my own business. So I know that I want something more than I want being called mummy, but that doesn't mean I don't have to mourn the fact that I won't be called mommy anymore.

And I think one thing we do as humans, and I understand it's all about self-soothing again, is we try to shut that part out. And in shutting that out, it means, oh, we don't have to recognize it. I don't have to think about it. And now I think that's going to help me get over it. But it doesn't. It just puts a pin in it. Let's face it, it puts a plaster over a gaping wound, a bandaid for you Americans. So what I do is I just look at it and I say, okay, this is a truth. This is heartbreaking. I still am sad. Going back to the gratitude thing. I can still be ecstatic over choosing my business, but I'm still utterly sad that I'm leaving something behind or I'm leaving something else out. And so I can for sure ask for both. I can mourn, sorry.

I can celebrate the life and person I'm becoming. And at the same time, I think it's very healthy to mourn the person you are leaving behind or the identity you thought you would have. And so I gave myself space. I gave my husband space to mourn that I was no longer going to be a mommy, that I was no longer going to give birth to children. And that has now allowed me to be able to be so excited when people ask me about my decision to not have kids because I have zero negative attachment to the decision. Even if Susie, you find me in five years wishing I'd had kids, there's no way I'll beat myself up over the decision I made because I've done it with clarity.

Susie Moore:

I actually feel like radical confidence could also be radical honesty. Next book.

Lisa Bilyeu:

It's so funny,

Susie Moore:

I hope this is a whole series, but I actually love Lisa, that the word confidence origin comes from Latin, meaning conda, meaning to trust. And I feel so much of that in what you are saying, the trust that you bring back to yourself when it comes to really looking at things. I mean, shining a light on the question, on the problem, on the uncomfortable stuff, the can of worms. This is what you do so thoroughly in this book, and it's uncomfortable, and you acknowledge that too in the book. You're like, Hey, this won't be like la la, la, la, la. Let me flip my pages and dance to every sentence. But it's like, oh yeah, what are the truths here? Where can I learn to trust myself through facing who we are? This is what always just comes for me. When I was reading a book, I'm like, Lisa is who she is. And probably, and in 10 years, there'll be a different version of you, and you're always a learner. But I was like, wow, this is a very, very mean, very honest book. Those of you who you must get the book if you haven't already. Radical confidence available. Wherever books are sold, stay tuned for the Beverly Wilshire hotels.

Lisa Bilyeu:

I always wait to see if anyone ever brings it up.

Susie Moore:

They,

Lisa Bilyeu:

I've had one person, one person called it out. I'm an open book hungry.

Susie Moore:

We can talk about if you want. Lisa do not hold back me. And this book is full of so many there. I actually wrote down some incredible LOL moments. Time is money. Learning that from your dad, your confusion around that. Hilarious. This will make sense when you read the book, friends. So you must get it. Shagger. Lamppost. You have to read the book. Giant Vampire Bat. Yeah. Oh my God. Truly laugh out loud. And I think that, I'm not sure if this is even intentional by you, but humor actually allows us to open up to receiving.

Lisa Bilyeu:

It was very intentional, okay? And that was like, I really ended up writing. So I had zero confidence in writing a book. So I was like, when someone came to me, a literary agent offered me the very first words out of my mouth were, who the hell would buy a book from me? So I need you guys to know if you think that I'm confident, actually, it's radical confidence. I don't know what I'm doing, but I still move forward. So even with writing the book, as I said, the very first words out of my mouth is who is buy a book from me? So that negative mindset, that 14-year-old girl that doesn't believe in herself is still there. And so I recognize it. I'm like, oh, bless her. She's still there. I give myself grace to still have her sit on my shoulder and give me some warnings.

And that is she's warning me. And what is she warning me, Lisa, you dunno how to write a book. And I'm like, she's right. I have zero way of understanding on knowing how to write a book. So where the hell would the confidence come from? I haven't done it before. That's blind confidence. That's cocky confidence. That's pulling the wool over my eyes thinking that I know. And so I was like, oh, but I have radical confidence. And so it ended up being this really crazy inception that I built my radical confidence to write the book around having radical confidence to get to, being able to be in a position to write a book in the first place. And so that's where I was very honest. I was like, I just have to say the no bullshit. I want people to actually make change. And what were the things that forced me to make change and held me back from making change?

And it's like, while I love Tony Robbins, while I love motivation, the truth is sometimes I want to freaking poke my own eye out with a dull fork. I really do. Sometimes the motivation stuff is just not my jam. I'm not the person who would've been seen dead in a self-help aisle. I just wouldn't have, especially growing up, I'm 43. So growing up, the self-help aisle, especially back in those days, it was like, oh, it's for the losers quote. That was the perception. And so I need people to hear That was the perception. And so me being the person that grew up in North London, that was just a messy contradiction of sometimes I felt like I was never going to be bullied, and I would stand up for myself, but at the same time, I was scared about standing up for myself. And so it became this super freaking messy, weird ways that I would up and I would build my confidence along the way.

And so when I started to write the book, I was like, you just have to write the truth about the messiness, and you have to write the truth about how we really do think. And I think that by trying to shy away from it, actually it doesn't serve anyone. And so I said, well, if you're shying away from it, why the hell are you writing the book in the first place? Either Lisa, your North star is making change or it isn't. And so I said, okay, no bullshit. What would it look like to make change? And I said, it had to be the book that Lisa Billy would've picked up, because going back to just business and stuff, if I don't believe in the product, then how the hell can I go out and pitch the product? And so I just go, okay, for me, the product is making change. This is the blueprint on how to make a change in your life. And so I have to believe in it. It has to be truth to me, and then it becomes an echo and then an encouragement to other people. But you need the blueprint first. And so that's really where, and I kind of totally lost train of thought of what the question was. This is great.

Susie Moore:

It doesn't even matter the question,

Lisa Bilyeu:

But that was how I ended up building the radical confidence to write a book about radical confidence. And it was just about being very, very honest and truthful about the comedy piece. So that ended up becoming a, what was the book I would read? And again, I was the person that I loved Tony Robbins. I'm going to keep repeating it, but I'm the person where I got a free ticket to Tony Robbins event because Quest at the time was sponsoring his events. And so I got front row seat right at the front by Tony himself. He gave us the tickets, we got to meet him. He was wonderful. He gave us these tickets. I'm in the audience with my husband. Within 30 minutes, I literally was, I have to leave. I have to get out of here. Oh my God. Like I said, I want to poke my own eyes out. I was like, this is so not me. It was people jumping up and down, hugging strangers behind them, telling them they're great. And while I love hugging strangers, I like to do it on my own terms. And so I literally felt like, this doesn't feel like me. This feels fake. Again. My husband loved it, and my husband was like, and he was there for the whole 18 hours. He walked on hot coal. He did the whole Tony Robbins

Susie Moore:

Experience. My husband did too.

Lisa Bilyeu:

But I'm the one that's literally running out the door within 30 minutes. Now I'm saying that as someone who's dedicated her life to personal development.

So I just said, no bullshit. What would it actually take to reach the people who right now, like me, who are not going into the self-help aisle, who won't go to a Tony Robbins event, that don't necessarily believe they're good enough, that don't actually believe that they are deserving of asking for anything more? What is that book that they would pick up? And it's got to be laughs. It's like, I can't, you'll notice I don't take myself too seriously, but I do serious shit all the time. I've got 40 employees underneath me, and I'm always talking about how to run a company and what are the business decisions you have to make, and what is that piece of content that is going to actually save someone's life? Actually, I get people that come up to me in the street and say, I was about to commit suicide, so I understand the weight of what I'm doing. But for me to be able to make change, I am saying, what is that way to make change that I know. And for me, it is about not taking myself too seriously, not taking the negative voice too seriously so that someone right now that did take it too seriously can maybe laugh and maybe they can pick up the book and have a giggle and a chuckle and still make change in their life.

Susie Moore:

It can be the And all of it. Yeah, not serious. Truly like Lisa. And also you say you don't meditate the rules. There are no rules, right? Here we are. You're doing it your way, the way that you write your, and I mean, I read a lot of books. It's my only hobby, and I truly really, really enjoyed yours. I mean, I could keep you forever, but I have a quick rapid fire round. I love to in my interviews with, oh my gosh, I hope you come back, Lisa. I have so many I've got here. I mean, again, for those reading the books, stay tuned for not getting brownie points of pushing through pain, the pink leg, warmer story, how the importance of being yourself. This too shall pass. Oh my God, there's so much here. But Lisa, I love to wrap up with some just quick random questions that maybe you haven't been asked before. Fun if you're up for it.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Yeah. Now, I love games like this. I take them very seriously. And as you've probably realized already, Suzy, it's very hard for me to say things in short sentences. So this is going to be a challenge for me, which I really appreciate. Now, here we are. You're stretching my skillset. I'm the learner. Remember, I'm about to learn from this challenge.

Susie Moore:

Okay, here we go. What would your very last meal on earth be?

Lisa Bilyeu:

Oh, my dad's barbecue. It's meat on charcoal.

Susie Moore:

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Greek food.

Susie Moore:

How would those who know you well as a kid, describe you in one word?

Lisa Bilyeu:

Chatterbox.

Susie Moore:

Chatter box. If you could only listen to one band for the rest of your life, who would it be?

Lisa Bilyeu:

TLC.

Susie Moore:

Oh, no Scrubs.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Oh, come on. Now. Is that not like a girl?

Susie Moore:

You just have my heart. Yeah. Tlc. They hit all the boxes. Oh. What is a quirk that you have that only those closest to you know about?

Lisa Bilyeu:

Oh, quirk. I clean when I have anxiety.

Susie Moore:

Oh, I wish I had that. I hate cleaning the house.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Literally, I'll be wearing rubber gloves and my husband will walk into the kitchen. He's like, you right, babe. And I'm like, yeah, I just need to clean some plates.

Susie Moore:

That's lucky. When people encounter you, how do you want them to feel?

Lisa Bilyeu:

Loved actually accepted because I can't immediately give someone love when I don't know someone. So that's the truth. Accepted.

Susie Moore:

Accepted. Who was your teenage crush?

Lisa Bilyeu:

Oh, I didn't really have a crush. I mean, I crushed on Brad Pitt's abs. I'm going to be honest. Fight Club Brad Pitt.

Susie Moore:

I feel like David Ban was the man of the moment.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Really? No. And I was never really into teenage bands because it was almost like all the girls were, and I always felt like I didn't, yeah, I never fancied the young teenage boy bands. I followed Michael Jackson, but that wasn't really a crush more than, it wasn't obsession for the community that brought fans together. That's the truth.

Susie Moore:

Which you found. Yeah. Who would play you in the movie if your life?

Lisa Bilyeu:

I mean, the answer to everything. Who would play? Anyone really should be Meryl Streep. Who would play God Meryl Streep. Who would play Barack Obama? Merl Streep.

Susie Moore:

Meryl Streep forever. I know, but are you like, Hey, because people have told me that Reese with a spoon would play me. What a compliment.

Lisa Bilyeu:

I can See that.

Susie Moore:

Yeah. Are you like, you like, oh, but I love this actress.

Lisa Bilyeu:

I do. Jody Foster, I was obsessed with growing up as a female, my dream was to make movies. And so when I thought of who was the most powerful woman in Hollywood, it was Jodie Foster because she understood how to use her acting fame to be able to create her directing and producing career. And that was really where her heart was. So she was very strategic and being in an industry that was, especially back then, so male dominated. So maybe Jody Foster, she's a little older now, but maybe Jody Foster.

Susie Moore:

Jody, are you listening? Pay attention,

Lisa Bilyeu:

Jody. You're Going to be getting a call

Susie Moore:

.Oh, a piece of advice that you really appreciated at a difficult time.

Lisa Bilyeu:

It wasn't really advice more than it was a question. So when my dad said he didn't want me to marry my husband, and we just celebrated our 20 year wedding anniversary, just to be very clear, my dad was very traditional Greek. He didn't think that it would work between someone who was Greek and not Greek. I was devastated. Devastated. And I wanted elope. And so I said to my husband, I don't care. I just want to marry you. Let's elope. And my husband said to me, he said, babe, I know that the way that your dad is acting right now really upsets you, but who do you know your dad to be? What's the reputation he has with you? And I said that he loves me more than life itself. And he's like, okay. So if you know that your dad's saying he doesn't want you to marry me isn't personal.

It's not that he doesn't love you. So it wasn't really a advice, but it was more a question that he asked me that ended up changing everything. It changed how I then went to my dad afterwards and told him, Hey, look, I still love Tom. I want to hear your opinion, but I still love him. We had the most amazing, beautiful dream wedding I ever could have. My dad supported me, my dad walked me down the aisle. He paid for the wedding. So it ended up being the most magical flip in perspective that would've led me to act one way that I would've regretted for the rest of my life.

Susie Moore:

Oh my gosh. That's so good. And if I can just interject the rapid fire round to reference something else in the book that I love, which I think relates to that question, is when your husband says to you, who do you know him to be? When you set boundaries with a friend of yours who needed you, when you were going through something you said in your text, I hope you know that I'm someone, I've created this understanding between us that I'm always there for you. It's a reputation.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Yeah. I think when it comes to people in your life, whether it's friends or family, it's usually they have a reputation because it's just been years and years of them proving over and over again that they are X, y, and Z person. And so I think that in certain moments, we forget about all the things that they bring to the table or have brought, and we just deal with that one moment in isolation. And it's like, but they said this to me, but they did this. And it's like, but if you've known someone for 20 years and in 20 years their reputation is the person that has always shown up for you and they don't show up one time, are you really going to say they're a friend that doesn't care? And that was the same thing.

Susie Moore:

It happens though, right? We lose all perspective. It's like this one thing, my ego is sticking to this story that you did me wrong. Yeah,

Lisa Bilyeu:

Exactly. Yeah. And so in that text where I had to set a boundary for a friend and I had to say, I can't be there for you, to your point in the message, I said, hopefully my reputation over the last 20 years has proven that I am the person that will drop anything for you. And so this is just one time that I can't, and please know that has no reflection of how much I love you and what you mean to me. It goes both ways. To your point of the same with my dad of my dad, at that point, I was 22 years old for 22 years. My dad had bled for me as a father, bled for all of his children. All of a sudden, because I didn't feel supported about marrying Tom, I thought that, well, my relationship with my dad is broken and he just doesn't believe in me. He's a human, and he doesn't think highly of me. It's like, oh, no, no. That is just a fake story that I developed because of my emotions in that moment.

Susie Moore:

Do you see any, the book friends, radical color? I'm still using that. I'm like highlight, highlight, highlight. If ever I'm in that situation. And of course, life gives them to us. I'm going to phrase it exactly how you did. It was elegant and honest.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Thank you

Susie Moore:

Two more.

Lisa Bilyeu:

You I'm not wrap question.

Lisa Bilyeu:

I did warn warn you.

Susie Moore:

Oh, an item in your home you cannot live without.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Does my husband count?

Susie Moore:

Oh, that is So, yes, you can have that.

Lisa Bilyeu:

And I legitimately mean that. Now, look, it sounds really romantic. It's like, oh, that's so sweet. I've processed this a thousand different times in a thousand different ways in the sense of, I love my business, I love my business, I love my show. I love what I do. I love my house. I love every my jewelry. I love everything. I love my artwork. That's taken me hundreds of hours to draw, but everything can go away tomorrow. And I would still be okay. I truly believe that he's the one thing that if I lost, I don't think I could actually ever fully repair myself. And I say that not thinking badly on myself, and I don't think that that says anything about me. I think that that is just a true reflection of how much I've actually thought through it. And even on that same note though, I still have non-negotiable boundaries with my husband that doesn't blind me to decision making. And again, I want to make sure that that is also echoed in that answer. But I could lose my business. I could lose my money. I could lose my show. I could lose my friends. And the truth is that as long as we still have each other in that relationship dynamic that we have now, obviously if it became an unhealthy relationship, that would be another thing that I would leave. I don't want people to think that I would stay in a relationship that wasn't healthy. But yeah, that's my answer.

Susie Moore:

I love that too, Lisa, because I think that also sometimes we feel like we need to go, I don't need my man or whatever it may be. And look, that's true to an extent, of course. But what I also love about someone showing such great love is there's such great courage that comes with that. There's that old quote from loud, Sue, I'm not sure if you know what it says. Being loved fiercely gives you strength, but loving someone fiercely gives you courage.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Oh my God, I love that so much. And then just to,

Susie Moore:

And how you say at Lisa, how you speak about Tom, I'm like, you are so to love, so fiercely. It's courage.

Lisa Bilyeu:

And even just saying that I also have differentiated the difference between I actually don't need my husband. I want him, I want him in my life. And that's also the other part that I talk about in the story where one of my horrific moments in the book led me to this conclusion. And it really was, I don't need him. I am the hero of my own life. I want him. And the difference between the two, this actually breaks my husband's heart when he hears it. And he still doesn't like me saying it. And in identifying why. It's because his identity is of the husband that will be there no matter what if his wife needs him. And so his identity that he wasn't there for me actually hurts him. But I can't allow the hurt of his identity to influence how I have great wisdom in this horrific story. And so obviously I know we're wrapping up, but the moment that I think is actually beautiful is in the notion that I don't need you, but I still choose to be with you. Isn't it better to be with someone, not out of necessity, but out of desire?

Susie Moore:

Oh, yes.

Lisa Bilyeu:

So now you can imagine when I keep repeating to him, I don't need you, I want you don't need me, you want me now? I feel like you have the choice. And it's kind of like the same idea. And I know this is definitely not rapid fire, but it's kind of the same idea where it's like the beauty that me and my husband had in one of our very first dates is he was like, of course you're going to find other guys attractive. And of course I'm going to find other women attractive. It's human nature. Isn't it better that there are 7.5 billion people in the world? And I'm going to think of 3 billion of them as being attractive, and yet I still choose to be with you. Isn't that actually more romantic? Isn't that actually more of a commitment to someone than saying, I can't live without, I need you, and I don't find anyone else attractive? Well, now it's, I kind of feel like, well, you didn't really have a choice. You don't find anyone else attractive and you need me, of course you're going to be with me versus I, so many people attractive, I don't need you. And yet, out of 7.5 billion people, you are the one that I've chosen to grow old with. Holy smokes. That's way more romantic.

Susie Moore:

Oh, I agree. And also I want you, it's kind of sexy too, right? Look, I need you. It was like

Lisa Bilyeu:

Your face

Susie Moore:

On that was amazing. It was so amazing. Okay, last question, Lisa, the Let It Be Easy podcast. What is one thing you do in your life consistently that allows you to allow your life to be easier?

Lisa Bilyeu:

I work out every single morning, but I lift weights. That was massive for me because I had a very unhealthy relationship with food, with my body. And lifting weights was the catalyst to me throwing away the treadmill, not even monitoring how much I eat. And it allowed me to focus on morning activity that was me against me and allowed me to challenge myself to get stronger. So for instance, this morning, I literally was like, it's my birthday today.

Susie Moore:

Wow, how lucky. How lucky for me to get you on our podcast.

Lisa Bilyeu:

I feel lucky, right? To be able to do this on my birthday and empower people. This is exciting. This is like a birthday gift for me.

Susie Moore:

Oh, and so you lifted some

Lisa Bilyeu:

Petty, so this morning, yeah, so this morning I was like, okay, I'm 43. And once upon a time, I think I would've felt worried, tense, nervous. Oh my God, am I getting old? And really wiring and because of my mindset shift, because of what lifting has done for me. Because that, I see it as an empowerment thing that it has nothing to do with anyone else. No one can influence whether I get stronger or not, except me. Literally no one. You can say all the hate to me on this podcast, people can try, but did I show up at the gym? Did I lift a certain amount of weight and did I want to or not? And so that becomes, oh my God, Lisa, you couldn't do yesterday, but you did it today. That is so exciting for me. So this morning on my 43rd birthday, I was like, what do I want to do today?

I was like, I want to see how many pushups I can do. I'd had the goal of can I consistently do 30 pushups in a row? I actually haven't done it in three weeks this morning on my birthday, I was like, oh shit. Let's see if I can challenge myself on my 43rd birthday. Let's do this. And so I got down and I did some pushups and I ended up hitting 31. And now I was like, yeah, alright, Lisa, at 43, you're still got it, right? And now I've challenged myself. I put that mindset in, can you do it? And if I didn't, I wouldn't be myself up. I just like, okay, what do I need to do next time in order to hit it? So the gym for me, the building of the mind, that's actually what it is. The body is the byproduct of me going to the gym and lifting weights. It's the mind that comes first. It's the you're going to go in there. Can you lift six pounds? Can you lift 20 pounds? Can you lift a hundred pounds? Right? That's the mind challenge. That's the strengthening. And that's the, if I show up today for me, I can show up and do anything.

Susie Moore:

Lisa, what a conversation. What a favorite. Oh, thank you. Especially on your birthday. Wow, how special. So you're a Leo.

Lisa Bilyeu:

I am a Leo.

Susie Moore:

Yes. That makes sense.

Lisa Bilyeu:

The Fiery. The fiery.

Susie Moore:

Lisa, truly thank you. And radical confidence confide available everywhere books are sold. Where else should people go? Just to find out more about you? I'm sure people want to follow you. You're one of my favorite people to follow on social media. So entertaining. And finally, and thank you honesty. I feel it. Yeah,

Lisa Bilyeu:

I love it so much. So yeah, you can actually go to radical confidence.com and I have some freebies over there. So if you buy the book, get a whole bunch of free courses, downloads and stuff like that over at radicalconfidence.com.

Susie Moore:

Lisa, I hope you come back. I've had the best Conversation.

Lisa Bilyeu:

Thank you, my homie. Me too.

Susie Moore:

Thank you so much. Until next time, lots of love, my friends, love Andy.